


Gal Pals

by GamblingDementor



Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: 5+1 Things, 69 (Sex Position), Anxiety, Cunnilingus, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, High School, Panic Attacks, Romantic Friendship, Scissoring, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-07-25 22:46:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7550206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GamblingDementor/pseuds/GamblingDementor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Nina and Vanessa had sex. One time they made love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Winter, or First Time

The first time is tentative, messy, and a little bit weird.

 

Of all of Nina's friends, Vanessa is the only one who is allowed to sleep over, and not too often anymore. She's a junior in high school now. College is basically next week, even though it's a year and a half away if everything goes according to plan. And Nina's plans tend to be pretty damn tight. She has work to do and Vanessa is her only authorized distraction.

 

"Okay, your turn," Nina whispers after a fit of giggles she tries her best to stifle lest her parents hear that they are still awake at this time of night.

 

"Let me think…"

 

They're supposed to be sleeping. Sure, no school tomorrow, but on Saturdays, Nina has her tutoring hours and she also desperately needs to visit the library because her supply of extracurricular textbooks is running low. Plus, Vanessa works on Saturdays, the busiest day of the week at the salon. They should already be sleeping.

 

Yet here they are in Nina's bed, because it's far too chilly to let Vanessa spend the night on the mat on the floor (this winter seems to never end, early March already and yet the puddles are still frozen every morning), and they're playing the question game. Technically, it used to be Truth or Dare, but they've given up on dares ages ago. It's just been truths since they got old enough that silly dares weren't all that funny anymore.

 

"Okay," Vanessa whispers. "If you had to make out with a teacher…"

 

"I'd pick…"

 

"You can't pick Mr Papayanopoulou."

 

"Ugh, damn it," Nina pouts. He's her go-to choice, with his perfect nose and thick hair and top-notch arms. "Okay then, Mr Jones."

 

Vanessa snorts.

 

"What? He's cute!"

 

"If you like boring, sure!"

 

"I _do_ like boring," Nina points out. "Anyway, who would you pick?"

 

There is no hesitation whatsoever in Vanessa's reply.

 

"García."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah," Vanessa says firmly. "She's hot."

 

  
_Is she, now?_ Nina isn't often one to judge people by appearances, much less women. She's straight, isn't she? Her realm of attraction is presumably limited to men. She pictures Ms García with her long curly hair and thin glasses and wonders if she finds her hot too. She's beautiful, for sure. She's elegant. She's also competent, if that is a factor at all. Nina is trying to imagine making out with her and see what her mind comes up with, but her experience in that area is rather limited, especially compared to Vanessa's, and she feels slightly more confused than before.

 

"Don't tell me you're grossed out," Vanessa says with a hint of nervousness.

 

"What?! No! I was just thinking…"

 

She pauses because there is no awkward way to end this. _I was thinking about what it's like to kiss women. I was thinking about what makes women attractive. I was thinking about kissing her and see if I like it._  


 

"Nina?"

 

"How is it?" She asks and realizes Vanessa wasn't a witness to her internal train of thoughts. "You know… Women together…?"

 

"What part of it?"

 

"The kissing."

 

Vanessa almost looks disappointed, but she shrugs. In their lying down position, she pushes the covers down, but Nina pulls them up again because it's freaking freezing and they're in this tiny igloo of blankets together.

 

"Kinda like kissing guys? With less facial hair."

 

Nina giggles, Vanessa's eyes glimmer with mirth.

 

"And, erm… the other thing?"

 

That, she has as good as zero experience in. Her hand has slipped between her thighs a couple times before but to no avail. It just felt like scratching a part of her body that doesn't itch: weird and frankly unnecessary, if not mildly uncomfortable. She must be doing it wrong but she can't exactly ask her peers if and how they do it. She hasn't even asked Vanessa, who knows all her secrets. So she skips step one and asks her directly about step ten.

 

"You sure you wanna know about that?" Vanessa's brow furrowing, her voice is hesitant in a way it almost never is.

 

"Uh huh."

 

She knows of some of the girls Vanessa has been with − Vanessa doesn't brag about these nearly as much as the guys, as if she was afraid that Nina would be… what? Disgusted? Offended? Bored? Well, Nina is trying to picture it now, trying to give her mind something to work with, and she feels none of these things.

 

"What do you want to know?"

 

  
_Everything_ .

 

"Well, how is it?"

 

She hates not asking a smarter, more specific question, but her lack of experience proves a hindrance to proper interrogation on gay sex, it seems. Vanessa hesitates before talking and Nina wonders if she's overstepped boundaries − faint as they are between them, best friends for their whole lives.

 

"I mean, it depends on the girl, but usually it's… good? I mean, guys tend to be… you know?"

 

Nina stares. No, she _doesn't_ know.

 

"Like, they can be a bit more selfish sometimes. Girls, not as much. In my experience."

 

"How many… How many girls is that? Your experience?"

 

Vanessa counts inside her head for a few seconds. It's not unknown to Nina that her friend is a little bit more on the "enjoying herself" side of the spectrum than her. Some would call it slutty. Nina never does. She doesn't believe in making people feel bad about having fun.

 

"Like five."

 

She wonders what "like five" actually means, if it's five or maybe six, or if it's a euphemism for many more.

 

"Mmh."

 

"Well it was different every time. I can't just tell you anything that'd be true for all of them."

 

"That's it?"

 

Vanessa frowns. She never does appreciate her words to be diminished.

 

"I mean, it always depends on the girl. Sometimes it's rough, sometimes it's soft, what do you want me to do, show you?"

 

  
_She meant it as a joke_ , Nina tells herself. _Calm down. You're making a big deal out of a throwaway joke_. But Vanessa freezes too and they stare at each other for a long, awkward time. And Nina is suddenly flooded with the knowledge that it's happening now. This is a _thing_.

 

" _Do you_ want me to show you?"

 

Nina is fairly sure there's a million reasons why she should say no to this, just shake her head and go to sleep and forget this what-if ever occurred to her. She is, however, a hundred percent sure that all these reasons are nothing against the simple fact that her much, much stronger curiosity and she _wants_ like she has never wanted.

 

"Yeah," she says in a tiny voice that barely sounds like hers.

 

Neither makes a move. She never noticed how deep and dark Vanessa's thin eyes are, or maybe she did. Maybe now is just the culmination of something. Maybe it's a mistake they'll never mention again. In fact, as the seconds go by without Vanessa taking the lead, doubt starts to creep in. Did Nina dream all of this? Are they going to ignore it and go to sleep?

 

But they don't. Hesitantly, Vanessa slides a hand around Nina's waist, under her pajama top, warm fingertips against Nina's skin. She waits there, rubbing circles with her thumb, gentle in a way Nina never thought she could be.

 

"Gee," Nina jokes, tries and fails to lighten the mood. "Who knew gay girls just rubbed each other's back to get off."

 

"Shut up, nerd," Vanessa snorts and pinches her, "I'm trying to make you comfortable."

 

They grin at each other and this doesn't need to be awkward, Nina realizes. Sure, it's not your everyday sleepover night time fun, but so far, Vanessa is being cool with it, Nina is definitely cool with it, she trusts Vanessa and she's ready to do this.

 

Vanessa's fingers dip under the fabric of her shorts, pushing them down her thighs and Nina feels very bare, in the best way, in a way she's never been for anyone before.

 

"Do you want me to…" Vanessa starts.

 

"You're the expert," Nina cuts, because deciding to fool around is one thing but actually talking about it openly is something entirely different. "Just, erm, do the thing?"

 

Vanessa smirks, tugging Nina closer and getting on top of her (Nina gets the impression that Vanessa must often be on top), holding herself up with one arm, the other hand already getting busy.

 

"I'll do the thing, alright," she promises, a smug smile still plastered on her face.

 

They should kiss, Nina thinks, but Vanessa doesn't lean in and Nina is already asking much of her tonight and doesn't want to make things more awkward than they need to be. On the inside of her thighs, Vanessa trails what would be whispers if fingers could talk. Nina shivers.

 

"Cold?"

 

"Let's call it that, sure," Nina replies but she doesn't keep her sass very long when Vanessa has the nerve to stroke her hair down there like she so often does Nina's hair on her head that she loves to push back behind her ear when it falls in front of her eyes. Nina chooses to ignore that oddity when Vanessa goes on to caress the whole of her, tentative. Suddenly Nina wonders if maybe she's doing this wrong, if she's supposed to be wet already, but Vanessa just hums and presses down her palm against her heavily, a pleasant weight.

 

"This good?" Vanessa asks, face open and focused.

 

"I dunno," Nina says. "I've never… you know."

 

"Do you wanna stop?"

 

"What? No!"

 

"Okay, then," Vanessa grins.

 

Her fingertips brush against Nina, pressing in slowly. Nina's heart is drumming inside her chest and she wonders if Vanessa is aware of how important this is for her, the very first time she's experiencing something like this, and it being between the two of them. She tries to convey that with her eyes, can only hope the message is received because words are too hard right now. Not everyone can be a poet, she'll leave that to Usnavi. Vanessa isn't any better anyway.

 

Poet she may not be, but Nina is a romantic at heart, no matter what, and she craves more contact. She doesn't want to rush Vanessa, turn this into something they haven't premised on, so she just pulls on Vanessa's shoulders, bringing her close. Vanessa's face thumps against her shoulder with a muffled _oof_ that turns into a snort.

 

"You coulda just asked," she grumbles but takes to their new position quite delightfully, settling herself between Nina's thighs like she was made to fit there, her hand the only thing between their bodies. _Much better_. It's also easier to focus when Vanessa's eyes are not on hers, and she has _a lot_ to focus on. Vanessa twists her fingers inside her just so, wriggles them in a way Nina doesn't fully comprehend and probably wouldn't be able to replicate, sets up some sort of pace that Nina really can put up with.

 

"Feels nice," she mutters.

 

She feels Vanessa smile against her shoulder. Their boobs are touching through their tops. The passing thought comes through her mind and she's suddenly wondering what it'd feel like to touch Vanessa there and everywhere. Maybe one day she'll know.

 

"Great," Vanessa whispers. "I want it to be good for you."

 

It takes time, longer than Nina thought or expected, for the nice feeling to turn into _really_ nice. She's almost embarrassed, or afraid that Vanessa is going to get bored before she gets there, but that's that's underestimating her best friend. It seems that Vanessa makes her mission of studying her, paying close attention to her reactions and adapting. Together, they learn how Nina likes it, two fingers just right (three was too much − Vanessa saw her wince and apologized), thumb circling her clit (that, Nina will try on her own soon), and Nina finds the beginning of something building inside her, feels it coming before it even starts, far before it's reached completion. She feels too hot and too far gone, and her body is out of her control now, left entirely in Vanessa's hands. Her weight above Nina, breath warm against her neck as they both refuse to kiss, refuse to breach that boundary, and her hand doing whatever magic she is wielding…

 

"Van, I think I'm gonna…"

 

Vanessa's thumb presses down even heavier, inescapable, her fingers curling inside her in a way that makes Nina want to scream − she doesn't. She bunches up the fabric on Vanessa's back, clutching it like her life depends on it.

 

"I know," Vanessa whispers against her ear and her voice is almost like a kiss itself. "Please do."

 

Nina lets out an undignified groan but she's beyond caring now. In this situation, Vanessa two fingers up inside her, a goofy groan is the last of her troubles. Her legs clench together feverishly, trapping Vanessa's body between them and Vanessa's lips brushing against the bare skin of her neck sends her over the edge. Her mind stops, lets her body do the talking and it feels as though a bubble has popped and filled everything with sweetness. Despite herself, her back arches, pushing her into Vanessa who leans up to give her all the space she needs and her veiled gaze on Nina is too much to take in. Nina closes her eyes and lets everything wash over her. When she opens them again, Vanessa is still staring. For a fraction of a second, Nina sees her tongue dart out, licking her lower lip, just barely, enough to notice, not enough to warrant a remark. Then she pulls her fingers out, rubs them clean on the bed sheets and the moment is over.

 

"So, that was that," Vanessa says and falls back on the bed next to Nina, sighing deeply with a smile on the lips.

 

  
_Virgin count down to zero in the room_ . Nina hesitates, tentatively reaching her hand out to hold Vanessa's. She's not sure what the proper etiquette is supposed to be in these moments.

 

"Do you…" Vanessa's eyes on hers never used to pierce so deep. "Do you want me to do the same for you?"

 

Vanessa squeezes her hand gently, but snorts.

 

"That's like advanced gay, you've got to get there."

 

  
_I'm a beginner gay_ , Nina thinks. _That's new information. Didn't know I was any level of gay_. She doesn't know what to make of it and stores the thought away in a corner of her mind until further notice. She's going to have to think about this a lot, in fact, but right now she feels just about satisfied and content. No need to mess with that, not tonight. She yawns.

 

"I take back what I said about it being different than with guys," Vanessa says, pinching Nina's side playfully. "You go to sleep right now."

 

She tucks Nina's head under her chin, wraps an arm around her. _We need more sleepovers like this_ is Nina's last thought before she closes her eyes and falls asleep against her best friend.


	2. Spring, or Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second time, spring time. Vanessa misses Nina.

 

 

For the first time in forever this spring, Nina is often too busy to meet up. She's already starting on her college applications, writing essays, studying anything and everything that she thinks might come up. It's so early, but Nina wouldn't be who she is if she wasn't her overachieving self.

 

Vanessa refuses to admit she misses her terribly, but she grows tired of the day to day without Nina to put some fun into it. Work at the salon is still boring, it's always been tedious ever since she dropped out. Not that she was ever interested in whatever she did in high school either. Most teachers were dumb, all the students were even worse, the classes were useless. Vanessa was, in a way, glad to leave. She wouldn't have wanted to go to college even if she'd had the choice. The salon may be annoying, but she's learning real skills and she's building her way to the future she wants. Learning and reading and sitting your butt on a chair every day only to come home and do some more study, that's for Nina, never her. Still, these days, Vanessa tells herself she wouldn't really mind going back to high school if it meant spending all these hours with Nina.

 

They do text every day. It's not much, but it's better than never hearing Nina's stupid jokes and letting her rant and vent and just being in her life. They find time for each other, less than before, lesser as Nina starts working on her finals already ( _it's barely May, jeez, you don't have to study_ this _early_ , Vanessa said, and Nina ignored it), but they still make a point of seeing each other at least a couple times every week. That doesn't include Thursdays at the salon because that's always been Nina's special time with Daniela and Vanessa can't let herself get jealous over that.

 

They haven't seen each other in four days (Vanessa is _not_ counting, she's _not_ worried that it's been two days without texts, she's asked Usnavi about her and he says she's just fine and she is _not_ envious at all that he gets news and not her) when Vanessa gets a call from her, after sundown on a week night, which never happens. She frowns suspiciously and answers.

 

"What's up?" She asks.

 

She hears Nina's breath panting against the phone, too loud, and she gets the speaker a few inches away from her ear. Nina doesn't say anything.

 

"Nina?"

 

"Van, you gotta…" Nina mutters feebly.

 

She knows that voice, has heard it many times. _Code P_ , her brain whispers, _Nina is having a panic attack_.

 

"Fire escape?" She asks, already grabbing her keys and leaving a note for her mom to tell her she's going to Nina's in case she wakes up and finds Vanessa's room empty.

 

"Front door," Nina lets out painfully and Vanessa is fairly sure she hears a sob. Her heart clenches. "Parents… are out…"

 

Vanessa almost runs the way there, pounding on the buzzer before Nina lets her in. The door is already open when she reaches Nina's floor. She barges in, finds Nina rolled up in a ball on her bed, clutching a teddy bear like her life depends on it. Her hair hides her face, her long and beautiful curly hair. Vanessa sits down next to her and reaches out, wraps a curl around her finger, watches it bounce.

 

"Do you need a hug?"

 

Still in her fetal position, Nina nods slowly. Vanessa lies down, pulls Nina into her from behind, and though Nina resists it at first she lets herself unwind from the stress surely coiling inside her. Vanessa's arm wraps around her waist, her hand stroking Nina's tense stomach as gently as she can. She wishes she wasn't so familiar with Nina's anxiety troubling her but it keeps happening, Nina keeps taking on more and more and biting off more than she can chew and still getting it down, but not without damage. Her other arm, Vanessa slides under Nina's head like a pillow, finds her hand. Their fingers interlace.

 

"You're the best, you know that?" She tells Nina, keeping her close. "You can do this."

 

Sweet nothings don't really come all that naturally to Vanessa, except when they're for Nina. Then she turns into someone mushy and silly, but if it helps Nina she'll do it every time.

 

"I finished an essay for Jones," Nina admits after her breath has quieted down. Hugs most often do the trick. "But I realized I read the prompt wrong after finishing it and what I wrote is off topic."

 

"Shit, when's it due?"

 

"Monday."

 

They're Wednesday night. Vanessa rolls her eyes, because Nina won't see it in their position. That is so like her, get herself all freaked out for something completely manageable. But then, everyone has things that they can't deal with and for Nina it's stress. Any amount of it. Which is unfortunate because she is under a tremendous amount of it.

 

"You'll rewrite it, then, and it's gonna be so good Jones will break the grades and give you an A++."

 

Nina snorts, tugging on Vanessa's arm to close any gap between them, make the embrace as intimate as it can possibly be.

 

That's something that has developed the past few months. They were never shy in their affections before, but it seems like they can't keep from each other these days. Maybe it's because they don't see each other as much as they wish and make up for lost time when they do. But Vanessa thinks that the sleepover had much to do with it. It was three months ago, yet she hasn't forgotten. Best sleepover ever, if you ask her. She doesn't care what others would say about it. So she fingered her best friend. So what? It happens. And it has happened again, a few times, at Nina's polite and awkward request. It's been pretty adorable.

 

"When is the stress gonna end?" Nina sighs.

 

"D'you want the honest answer or the good answer?"

 

A puffed breath.

 

"The good one. I can't take honest tonight."

 

Vanessa smiles into her hair. It always smells _so_ _good_ from the cheap shampoo she uses that smells like berries. She probably gets it from the bodega. Vanessa should buy the same so she can smell these berries all the time, but then it wouldn't come from Nina, would it?

 

"No stress anymore, this was the last time," Vanessa jokes. "You're never gonna be panicking again."

 

"Mmh, I'm still pretty stressed right now."

 

She squeezes Vanessa's hand against her stomach and isn't this the cutest thing, how she pushes it down, trying to be subtle.

 

"Can you, erm, d'you mind… ?"

 

"You wanna?"

 

Nina nods, her hair tickling Vanessa's face behind her. Technically, she's taller than Vanessa (they like to joke that she was born a week earlier and will accordingly remain an inch taller forever), but she feels so small in her arms whenever she's like this, when life gets a little bit too rough for her. 

 

"You want me to go down on you?" Vanessa asks on an impulse. If she is going to help Nina relax, she might as well go the whole way.

 

Nina doesn't answer, her hand on Vanessa's completely still. A few seconds of silence.

 

"We've never done that before," Nina says in that shy voice she gets when she's embarrassed.

 

"You can say no."

 

So far, everything they've done has been initiated by Nina. Vanessa doesn't mind that. This is about her anyways. She's just a friend helping her scratch an itch.

 

"I don't wanna say no," Nina replies immediately, turning around. Her cheeks are still wet and Vanessa brushes them clean with her thumb. "Please do… erm, what you said."

 

"Gotcha."

 

Usually, Vanessa likes to take charge, and fast. That's what she does with her flings, takes what she wants, gives them what they want, leaves or kicks them out the next breath. She can't do that with Nina. Nina is her best friend, she loves her with all her heart, and she deserves for Vanessa to take her fucking time. They're both hyper aware that this is _something_ , something new and possibly really good, and Vanessa is very cautious as she slips Nina's pants off, her panties (white with little blue hearts, aren't they the cutest?) and she realizes that she's never seen Nina bare under her like this. Oh sure, maybe when they were little, or accidental glimpses in locker rooms, and if her fingers had eyes, she'd have seen it all, but it's always been under blankets and in the dark.

 

Well, Nina naked under her is damn cute. Vanessa hesitates, not sure where to start.

 

"Van, please…"

 

And there's only so much she can do after all. She sinks down to her knees so fast she knocks herself into the bed, which prompts a mocking snort by Nina that she silences with a glare. Nina gulps, bites her lip, because Vanessa is right between her legs after all and this is all so new. How does Nina do that? How did Vanessa never notice how pretty her best friend is? Probably because she's even prettier when she wraps her legs around Vanessa's waist and makes the cutest little sounds and faces when she comes around her fingers. Still, right now, Nina all laid out on the bed for her, her whole body calling for Vanessa to show it some love, she feels breathless.

 

"Alright," she says and wraps Nina's legs around her shoulders.

 

If she thought Nina made cute sounds when Vanessa fingered her, they're nothing compared to what she lets out as soon as Vanessa's mouth is on her.

 

"Oh!" She breathes out, cute as a button, and it takes all Vanessa has to purely focus on the task at hand and not make this awkward.

 

There aren't many things that Vanessa prides herself of being great at, but this is one of them. Mouth circling around the clit, fingers pressing in, finding the right balance, the right rhythm… She fucking loves it.

 

"Mmh…"

 

Every moan from Nina is encouragement enough. She can't see her face from this angle but judging by the way her legs tighten around Vanessa, the way her hands fist the sheets, it's hard to be mistaken on this. On a spur of spontaneity (this is all harmless fun anyways, why the hell not?), Vanessa grabs Nina's hand and puts it on her head, then the other. Nina gets it, her hands grasping but not too tight, not painfully, because of course, she's still Nina, caring and thoughtful. Vanessa wouldn't mind anyways.

 

"Vanessa…"

 

_Cute_. Very cute, the way her name rolls off Nina's tongue, the way it always has for the past seventeen years or so, but it sounds all so different in this context. Probably anything at all would sound hot.

 

"I got you," she says.

 

Truly, she does. Vanessa is just being honest, she's aware of some of her assets, she's pretty good at this. Or maybe she's just learning to please Nina specifically. With great results. Maybe because of all the pressure coiling inside Nina tonight, maybe because of the escalation from their previous encounters, maybe because Nina needed this so much, she unravels with every stroke of Vanessa's tongue, every pump of her fingers. It's never been this fast. Before long Nina's hands tighten and she pushes down on Vanessa's head, keeping her right there in the good spot − Vanessa keeps up, keeps going, is there for her and soon enough, there it is, the clenching of her around Vanessa's fingers, waves coming and coming and coming.

 

"Van, I…" She moans, too late.

 

The hands in Vanessa's hair slowly loosen their grasp until Nina drops them on the sides entirely, her whole body limp.

 

"Okay, I do feel more relaxed," she admits a few heavy breaths later, staring at the ceiling.

 

"I thought so," Vanessa says smugly.

 

Nina still catches her breath, unmoving, and it pains Vanessa that she has to tear herself from between her legs − she'd have gladly stayed for another three or four orgasms.

 

"Good?" She asks.

 

It's hard to form complete sentences when Nina is still lying there half naked, her body still just as enticing. Vanessa sits on the bed, her legs shifting against each other uncomfortably. She could use some special time alone after this. There's probably a rule of thumb that says you shouldn't jerk it to your best friend if you want to keep things casual. To be honest, she probably crossed that line quite a while ago. Not that Nina would know what Vanessa does as soon as she gets home from their special sleepovers.

 

She doesn't even notice Nina sitting up next to her and staring until her hand is cupping her face and she's stroking her cheek.

 

"Hey," she says, her voice low and unbelievably hot.

 

"Hey yourself," Vanessa replies.

 

Nina looks down, biting her lip.

 

"Can I, erm, can I go down on you?"

 

Well, _well_. Little gay becomes big gay. It's not the first time she offers to reciprocate, but it's the first time Vanessa gets the impression that she's acting out of genuine desire, rather than some sort of politeness. That is Nina, always trying to comply to what she thinks others want, always trying to please. Vanessa loves that Nina, but she deserves better than a half-enthusiastic partner who is just trying to be courteous. Well, there is nothing half-enthusiastic about Nina now, not with the way her eyes shine and she leans herself closer to Vanessa somehow, close enough to kiss.

 

"Yeah," Vanessa mutters, "Yeah, I'd like that."

 

There is slight hesitancy from Nina when she makes Vanessa lie down, take off her pants, underwear, but Vanessa recognizes that awkwardness as the nervousness that is bound to overwhelm you on your first time doing anything of importance. They find themselves where they were just before, only Vanessa is the one all exposed now, and Nina is kneeling between her legs and _oh my god, Nina is sitting between my legs, how did this happen?_

 

"I think I can make this good," Nina says.

 

Her hands are rubbing soothing circles on Vanessa's thighs, as if she was the one who needed relaxing. But with the way her body instinctively leans into that touch and seems to melt into it, Vanessa realizes she probably does.

 

"Yeah?" Her voice sounds a bit too high-pitched to really be hers but Nina makes no comment, of course.

 

Nina nods, her eyes so dark and shining, her lips red from biting them, and Vanessa's brain goes completely blank aside from _cute, shit, Nina's cute._

"I googled it," she says, all matter-of-fact.

 

Her fingertips are trailing up Vanessa's thighs, gentle and precise.

 

"What'd you google? 'Cunnilingus techniques for beginners'?"

 

Nina smirks and Vanessa feels a lot less like teasing when a couple fingers slide in, because she knows she's far too wet already to not be suspicious and she's afraid Nina realizes how self-serving Vanessa has been this whole time. _Should have thought about this before letting her eat you out_. But with the way Nina keeps smiling, thumb pad on Vanessa's clit, making her squirm already, she seems to want exactly this. Maybe this whole time, she knew how much she turned on Vanessa.

 

"Actually, I did," Nina said and kisses the inside of Vanessa's thighs, soft, a promise of what's to come. "Very insightful."

 

"Mmh, let's see then."

 

Nina eats pussy like a fucking scholar and if it wasn't so hot, it'd be cute and a little bit silly to think about. But Vanessa has no time to think, instead lets herself enjoy every bit of this, the way Nina sucks her clit into her mouth all too eagerly, her fingers curling inside her, all the moves she may even have rehearsed, who knows with Nina. She's precise, but it doesn't mean she's not putting all her enthusiasm into it − Vanessa knows when a partner is into her.

 

They could make this work. She's staring down at Nina, who keeps her eyes closed as she eats her out with all her strength and will, and there is a sight she could _really_ get used to. This could turn into something, if Nina wants to. Now is not the time to ask, not with Nina's tongue adventuring up inside her, her fingers so diligently working her up. With great success. This all feels super nice, and natural and not one bit awkward, which is more than she could have asked for.

 

And it all comes together so neatly, Vanessa bucking her hips up without thinking, Nina taking it all, and who would believe this is her first time if this all hadn't been so adorably by-the-book? Vanessa lets herself bask in the moment and ride it all out to the last little shiver, because she has absolutely no idea how frequently this might happen again, if at all. She would gladly lay here all night in the afterglow but Nina nudges her, demanding her spot on the bed. She pulls him into her side and they cuddle, as they always do after.

 

"How was it?" Nina asks timidly.

 

Vanessa kisses her cheek, a smile on her lips.

 

"You were awesome," she says. "Promise."

 

"Cool," Nina says, already yawning. "D'you wanna stay the night?"

 

Vanessa nods and lets herself be pushed around by Nina so they're sharing the bed and covers, snorting when Nina tries to steal the comforter just for herself. They take off their bras (and there is another step Vanessa wouldn't mind crossing, topless fun), settle in for the night in a half embrace.

 

"G'night," Nina breathes and tucks her head against Vanessa's neck.

 

"Goodnight," Vanessa replies, wrapping an arm around her, stroking her hair.

 

 

The way Nina falls asleep against her within minutes, it seems hard to believe that she was fully panicking not an hour ago. Vanessa and her worked miracles tonight. They should do this more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, if you read this and enjoyed it, please consider leaving a comment to tell me what you liked :) It really means the world to get feedback. You don't need an AO3 account to leave kudos or post a comment.


	3. Summer, or Heat Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some summer loving for these two idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that this chapter contains some drug use (marijuana only).

The sun is smiling on Nina's legs. She flexes her toes, basks in the way it tickles. It's sweaty, middle of summer hitting the block like a heavy shroud that prevents anyone from getting anything done. Not her, of course. She's already worked all morning and she has one more thing left to do. Said thing is by her side up here on the fire escape, their backs in the shadow against the wall, legs dangling in sunshine. She giggles to herself.

 

"C'mon, Nina, you're not even smoking it," Vanessa whines.

 

Nina pouts and takes a last long drag to prove a point, then hands over the joint back to Van.

 

Not even her favorite class is as fascinating as the way Vanessa's lips purse when she blows out a long thin cloud of white smoke. She bites her own lip, her mind all fuzzy with _ideas_.

 

"Oh yeah," Vanessa sighs. "That's the stuff."

 

Her head falls against the wall, eyes closed, and the ideas crowding Nina's head suddenly become a lot more focused with the line of Vanessa's neck exposed like that. She runs a finger down that patch of skin, wondering at its softness, wondering if maybe it'd be as soft under her lips as against her fingertips. Vanessa opens an eye, smirks.

 

"You're high," she says.

 

Nina snorts, but can't deny.

 

"So are you," she says and her mouth drops to taste that skin begging to be taken care of.

 

Vanessa is hot, literally in the summer's hottest days, burning under Nina's lips. She puts the joint down, hands grabbing at Nina's waist instead, not quite dragging her on her lap, she's not that forward, but keeping her flush against her. Nina feels emboldened. It's not like anyone will see them up here on the fire escape and no one should come check up on them either. She has all the time in the world to explore and conquer all of Vanessa, to kiss every inch. She's trailing her jawline, down her neck, tasting the salt of her sweat and that taste that is purely Vanessa.

 

"Nina…" Vanessa breathes, a hand tightening around her waist. The other picks up the forgotten joint again to take another drag. She chuckles for whatever reason her smoked up mind must have given her, Nina can't say.

 

"You're so beautiful," Nina says, biting the skin, kissing it for forgiveness. Vanessa moans and breathes out the smoke. "So so beautiful."

 

"You're _so_ high," Vanessa laughs.

 

"In vino veritas," Nina answers and slides a hand between Vanessa's bare legs. She's wearing one of her short skirts and Nina may be a little bit high right now and her mind is slow but she still doesn't miss the way Vanessa's legs spread to let her hand find it's rightful place between them.

 

"You don't need to speak Latin to me to get me into it," Vanessa whispers.

 

Nina palms her through her panties − lace, she notes, and tiny, maybe a thong − and finds heat that can't be all blamed on summer. Two fingers slip under the think fabric and slide inside like Vanessa has been waiting for it. Maybe she has. Nina groans.

 

"Yeah," she says. "You don't need anything to get into it."

 

"Oh shut up, nerd," Vanessa smirks and angles her hips up to give Nina more space.

 

This summer has been great so far. So much work, with college applications and so many essays and even just her summer reading to advance on next year's material before the year starts, and she's also working at the youth center to help the kids. But after work, comfort, and she has seen Vanessa every single day, for once, naked as often as not.

 

She's almost fully on Vanessa's lap now of her own accord, hand still busy between her long, beautiful soft legs, with Vanessa's hand on her butt, and no one's hand ever touches her butt normally but there is a lot Vanessa gets to do to her, with her, that no one else does. What they have is _great_ , just great. Vanessa holds up the joint for her in front of her lips and she takes a long drag, the heaviness of it weighing on her, washing away all stress and tension in her mind and body. Mornings are for work and angst, but her afternoons are Vanessa's and no thought is going through her mind except how beautiful Vanessa is, and how strong and sexy and also gentle, and how hot and tight and wet her…

 

Heavy steps up the starts can only be her mom's. Crap. Second nature now, because this isn't nearly their first near-interruption, she puts at least two feet of distance between her and Vanessa, who throws away the joint down the street (so much for the rest of it they paid for…) and straightens up her clothes where Nina messed them up. Just in time. In come Nina's mom up the fire escape, Nina's fire escape but she can't even be left alone here.

 

"There you are! I'm going to run some errands," her mom says, staring at them, her gaze meticulous and slow over them both. Nina doesn't dare look if she left any mark on Vanessa's neck.

 

"Alright Mom," she says, her voice much more steady than she is.

 

There is nothing as thorough on earth as Camila Rosario's inspection, but even though she looks more than a little suspicious, she nods and makes to leave them here on the top floor of the fire escape. Nina wants to sigh out all the air in her lungs from relief, but her mom has barely taken the first step down that she turns back around.

 

"Your father is out for the day, so you'll have to get Abuela Claudia if you need anything. I'll be back tonight," she says.

 

"Okay."

 

Camila takes another step down and Vanessa and Nina share a look, a naughty smile on their lips, but it's another false alert.

 

"Oh, and cover yourself," her mom commands, gesturing to the both of them. "You'll get a sunburn."

 

And finally, finally she leaves them alone and they hear her steps down the fire escape to the very bottom until they dare burst out laughing.

 

"Close one," Vanessa says. "You think she smelled the pot?" She glances down. "Ugh, I kinda wanna go look for it now."

 

"Nah," Nina says, scooting over to Vanessa to drop her head on her shoulder. "The neighbors smoke weed all the time, she keeps complaining about them, she'll think it was them."

 

"Cool."

 

A minute of silence a quiet. Just a moment ago, Nina was two fingers deep in Vanessa and now she's just feeling a little droopy. Must be the pot.

 

"I'm hot," she moans.

 

"Yeah you are," Vanessa says and Nina nudges her.

 

"I mean _it's hot_ , it's summer."

 

Vanessa takes her hand, entwines their fingers. Nina pulls on it a presses a kiss on Vanessa's knuckles. She finds Vanessa's eyes glancing down at her lips, then up to stare into hers and she's not sure what to make of what they contain now. This is a "moment", isn't it? And yet she's not taking it, and neither is Vanessa. She almost wishes the pot hadn't dulled the sharp edge of her mind, because she could really use some of that smart brains they say she has.

 

"You're sweaty," Vanessa says, pulling on Nina's hand to help her stand up with her. "Let's take a shower."

 

Lukewarm water because hot would be unbearable, both of them cramped in the one person booth, the world is nothing but soap lather and Vanessa. Specifically Vanessa's lips on her neck and her hand grabbing her leg, wrapping it around her hips, trying to be Nina's support in this small space, and water is running over them both and Nina feels out of this reality.

 

"Van, I…"

 

_She_ wanted to be the one who does things for once. Vanessa relentlessly insists on being the one who takes charge, even now after months, even this summer when they've had sex on most days and rarely only once. But once again, Nina is helpless against Vanessa's lips sucking at her pulse point and her hand firm against her waist, the other already between her legs. Nina is grateful for the support because she might just fall on her butt on the shower floor with all this.

 

"I got you," Vanessa says.

 

Thumb pressing down on her clit, incredibly heavy and just this side of too intense for her to handle but Vanessa knows her, her limits, what she needs before Nina herself does. She's had time to learn: this is what they do every time her parents are out, when Vanessa gets days off from the salon, sometimes even quietly when her parents are just downstairs. Today is a treat, the gift of being as loud as they want.

 

"No, I mean, Van, I wanna…"

 

One finger inside, a second one, curling up sharply and she bites down on Vanessa's shoulder to keep quiet, by habit, before remembering. Vanessa stops right in her tracks.

 

"You wanna stop?" She asks and even with all they've smoked, her voice is crystal clear.

 

"No!" Nina cries out and Vanessa's thumb circles her clit again, lighter, almost gentle.

 

"Tell me," she says, wet kisses along Nina's shoulder, dropping down to her breasts and this is also new from this long, long summer, she pops her nipple in her mouth and Nina doesn't even remember why she wanted to take charge when being in Vanessa's hands is so damn good.

 

"Nothing," she whispers but the shower is loud, drenching them over and their words. "Nothing. All perfect. You're perfect."

 

"Still high, huh?" Vanessa says between kisses on the underside of Nina's breasts and Nina never used to think of her boobs as beautiful before, but they are when Van spoils them with attention.

 

She's not really that high anymore, just a little bit. It doesn't last that long, she's learned. But she'll let Vanessa believe anything if it means things don't get awkward between them.

 

It's fine, what they have, isn't it? It's great. Sure, it jumped up on her unexpected, starting having sex with her best friend, who could have foreseen that? But it's going well. Vanessa seems happy, Nina is happy, all is well, and she is still confused as hell. This is just sex, right? Vanessa has had sex with a lot of people. Nina might just be only one of them. Or this might be something more, this might be turning into something different. Or Nina might be imagining things.

 

Asking Vanessa is simply not an option, because if there's something Vanessa hates it's talking about feelings. Besides, Nina is only somewhat sure of what she feels, and is it really worth it to compromise this whole thing by instilling doubt in Vanessa's mind, based on feelings she's not even a hundred percent certain she has? She'd much rather just take what comes her way and if it means things like this good, albeit doubt filled orgasm under the shower spray, then that's what she'll have.

 

"Good?" Vanessa asks, carefully letting go of Nina's leg, letting her stand on her own, her hands gentle at her hips to keep her stable. Nina nods.

 

"Yeah," she says. "Thanks."

 

Vanessa snorts and grabs the shampoo, gesturing for Nina to turn around.

 

This part is confusing, as many things have been this summer. The more confusing isn't really the sex, or the way they talk as friends, it's the in-betweens, the way Vanessa massages her scalp with her berries-scented shampoo, bodies flush against each other, soap everywhere, _hands_ everywhere. This is romantic, isn't it? And it's new. They never used to shower together, not since before elementary, and there's nothing platonic in this tiny booth. Vanessa' holds her so gently, an arm looped around her waist possessively, her lips at Nina's shoulder, a leg sliding between Nina's as if she wanted to give her another round. This, Nina never knows what to make of, but she wants. Oh, she wants to believe the signs.

 

Out of the shower, straight into bed where Nina can finally get back at Vanessa. She _is_ getting confident with this. Maybe the afternoon they've had, maybe just her natural evolution as a person, maybe something else, but she's not afraid anymore of pushing Vanessa back on the bed, spread her legs and take what's given to her. Dropping to her knees, she's hungry for Vanessa.

 

Vanessa has her way to do this, Nina has hers. Fingers trapping Vanessa's clit, mouth exploring her. Still wet from the shower, she tastes a bit like soap but soon like desire and sex. Nina takes her time to get her there and further. It's summer, it's hot and heavy, they can take an hour if they want, who'll stop her?

 

" _Nina_ ," Vanessa grumbles.

 

"Mmh?" Nina doesn't take off her mouth − she's busy here.

 

" _You're always doing this._ "

 

Nina hums, glancing up at Vanessa. _I don't know what you're talking about,_ she makes her eyes say.

 

"C'mon, faster…"

 

But Nina takes her time and Vanessa can't push her to hurry no matter what. It's not like this isn't working at Nina's pace. Complain she might, but little by little, Nina notices the way Vanessa's breath gets heavy. She still takes all the time to explore Vanessa like she craves. A hand on Vanessa's stomach, feeling the way she's slowly relaxing, unwinding. A sharp lick on her clit and it tenses up in surprise. Nina smiles. Her fingertips running up, Vanessa's boobs are so much better than hers, round and soft and Nina could touch them for hours. It helps that Van is reactive. she groans when Nina circles her nipple with a thumb, and the other one for good measure, still chin deep between her legs, just casually giving Vanessa all the attention she deserves at a leisure pace.

 

"Come the fuck on, I'll be falling asleep if you keep it this slow."

 

Nina switches it up, fingers pressing in and mouth on the clit, sucking hard, and Vanessa gasps.

 

"No you won't," Nina replies, slowly pushing a third finger in, pumping them in and out, pressing down.

 

How unbelievable is it that her new hobby is eating out Vanessa? How is this what she has become now? Nina can barely remember what life was like all these months ago, before The Sleepover.

 

Mouth doting on Vanessa's clit, tongue flicking against it, she's learned to trust herself with this. She knows how to build it up, make Vanessa unravel bit by bit, and sometimes even more than once. Vanessa's hands thread in her hair − so much for being unaffected by this, who is overwhelmed now and needs something to grab onto?

 

It's normal, it's gotta be all normal, Nina tries to convince herself. Tons of people have friends with benefits. _But the way Vanessa's breath hitches when Nina slowly pulls her fingers out and pushes them back in all in one go…_ She's heard that many girls experience with this kind of things before or during college and that it doesn't have to mean anything. _The way Vanessa tightens her hand in Nina's hair when she laps at her from top to bottom, enjoying how soaked she is_. Vanessa has never shown any definite objective sign that this is anything but sex. _The way she moans Nina's name when finally, almost an afterthought, Nina gets that orgasm from her after all_.

 

And so it is as it is, confusing and beautiful. Nina is sleeping with Vanessa and it's comfortable and awesome and Nina will wait and see and _want_. She curls up against Vanessa on the bed and there is safety and trust in the way Vanessa wraps an arm around her, pulls her close, and Nina's thoughts are unbearable.

 

"Nina." Vanessa speaks blissfully, her eyes closed, smile on her lips and they're pink and chapped from biting on them, and Nina shouldn't stare, shouldn't let herself get her heart slowly broken little by little if she keeps this up, but she wants to kiss them so bad her belly hurts.

 

"You're never gonna leave me, right?" She asks like the idiot she isn't.

 

"Never," Vanessa replies, as spontaneous as breathing, hand rubbing Nina's back. "You want to smoke some more?"

 

Nina tears her eyes from Vanessa's lips and refuses to listen to the craving inside her.

 

"Yeah," she replies. "Thanks. Your bag is still outside I think."

 

"Right."

 

 

Vanessa rolls off the bed, pulls her tiny underwear and her short skirt and her halter top back on and climbs out of the window to the fire escape, and by the time she's back with it, ready to roll another joint, Nina has put on her happy face. She could use to have her thoughts and feelings dulled down again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, if you read this and enjoyed it, please consider leaving a comment to tell me what you liked :) It really means the world to get feedback. You don't need an AO3 account to leave kudos or post a comment.


	4. Fall, or Exclusive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina and Vanessa have half of a conversation they needed to have a long time ago.

"That's it," Nina sighs, dropping her pen. "Last one."

 

She immediately massages her wrist with a grimace. Vanessa gets her butt off Nina's bed to her desk, grabbing Nina's hand to replace her at those ministrations − she's better at massaging, with the salon and their dumb manis. Daniela taught her many skills. She glances down at the envelopes Nina just finished writing the addresses on, so many of them.

 

"How many d'you write?"

 

Nina sighs and piles up the envelopes neatly.

 

"Nine," she replies. "But hopefully just the one will be enough."

 

"California, right?"

 

Vanessa hates that she feels so reluctant about the whole thing. For months now, ever since Nina got herself into the mess of college applications, Vanessa has tried her damn best to be supportive, to help out any way she can (often in the form of offering _relaxation_ , but anyone has their own skills set and that's hers) but the truth is that she's divided in her own self. Obviously, Vanessa is just like everyone else and their abuelita and wants Nina to go to the best of the best, Ivy League, all of them, or even better than that. But secretly, insidiously, the horrible voice inside her dumb brain tells her to worry that there will be so many people vastly more interesting in college and why would Nina care about her in the least if she can be with someone smart and well-read? She has persuaded herself that this will inevitably end.

 

They should talk about it. That has been a general truth for months, probably since the whole problem began in the first place. "It" means something new and different every day, every moment of the day. They should talk about the naughty texts they send each other at night when they can't see each other but mere masturbation isn't good enough if it doesn't involve the other. They should talk about those sometimes afternoons off Vanessa takes from the salon with the full intention of getting laid at the Rosarios only for Nina and her to just to spend that time _talking_ , but not about what matters. They should talk about the pang in Vanessa's heart every time Nina smiles at her. They should talk about the stolen kisses any time and anywhere but on the lips. They should talk about the hugs that linger way beyond what they used to be before everything started.

 

"Hopefully," Nina nods and gets her glue stick to close the envelopes. "Stanford really has the best programs for what I want to do in the future."

 

Vanessa rolls her eyes − only Nina to refuse to lick envelopes for a dozen reasons she doesn't care to know more about, something about germs. Still, nine beautiful envelopes are now lying thick on Nina's desk. Vanessa lets herself drop on Nina's bed again, all laid out on her back, and doesn't bother sitting up.

 

"What about what you want now?" She asks the ceiling.

 

She would give a lot to know that, what Nina's ideal present or future consists of. She can only know of the plans she made for herself. She's making provisions for when the times of abundance will come short. Nina will not care for her forever, surely, not when she's off God knows where, maybe California, and Vanessa is already preparing her slow drowning down bond to happen when Nina is gone. She can be a weeping widow, it's in her blood. She'll just hide it deep enough inside that people will never know, not when she's giving herself to anyone who has a cute smile that makes her forget about Nina for two seconds. She's already picking the idiots who will be her bandages.

 

"I know what I might want right now," Nina says as soon as Vanessa lifts her head, as if she was waiting to make eye contact before cocking her brow at her in a way that still makes Vanessa's heart skip a beat.

 

"Right _now_? Your parents…"

 

Nina shrugs and all of a sudden there is something so playful in her whole demeanor, like Vanessa is her long lost favorite toy she's finding again.

 

"There's a marathon rerun of _Juegos de Fuego_. They'll probably fall asleep before they even realize anything."

 

Vanessa and Nina are playing with a different kind of fire in here. It's not like they're breaking any rules: they never had any in the first place. There were tacit boundaries but to Vanessa, it seems like they're being pushed inch by inch every day.

 

They used to only have sex in the darkest of night, until they didn't. It used to be just Vanessa leaning Nina a hand, until Nina became a sex expert before Vanessa could realize it. They only did it in Nina's bed, then they got more creative. The line between their sexual relationship and their friendship was a ditch in the sand that has been muddied with the tide. Their hugs are not what they used to be and the silent barrier that prevented them from kissing, from veering into the clear cut territory of something _else_ , has all but lifted up. And their hearts… Well, Vanessa cannot vouch for Nina's.

 

Because all that for how long? Nina joins Vanessa on the bed like a cat on its prey and if this was anyone else, there would be something comical about how stiff her hips are when she tries to sashay, how she tries her darndest to look sexy because she doesn't know she doesn't even need to try, because she's a nerd who tries to be a femme fatale or something. Vanessa loves her when she's like this. She counts every moment of this last year they'll have together, even if Nina is busy far too often, even if she wishes they'd have always more time. The time she doesn't have with Nina, she spends out, often at the clubs. They used to refuse to let her in, but Vanessa knows how to get her way.

 

She almost hates herself every morning after. Like clockwork, every time she wakes up naked in someone's bed. There's something wrong in taking their caresses, their attention. She knows all too well how much she'd love to be with Nina instead of them. But she won't be with Nina forever, it can't last, it just won't, and Vanessa refuses to be moping when the time comes. If she treats whatever there is between her and Nina like a fling, then that's all it will be and it's easier for both of them. Not that Nina would be all that concerned with it, as far as she can tell. Which is not enough. If only they'd talk about it…

 

"We'll just have to be…" Nina starts and as sensually as a nerd can, she straddles Vanessa's hips and it's quite a view from down here. Her cascade of hair, the glint in her eyes, the crinkle in her smile… Vanessa cups her waist and their hips grind ever so slightly. Vanessa moans lightly when Nina pulls off her pajama top − always quite the sight, and Vanessa has never been insensitive to pretty girls, much less the prettiest of them all − but Nina presses a finger against her lips. "Really quiet," she finishes.

 

"I can be quiet!" Vanessa retorts. "I'm quiet most of the time."

 

"Is that a challenge?"

 

"What? No!"

 

Nina's hands were on Vanessa's stomach, steadying herself, but she slides them up, cupping Vanessa's breasts and one thumb brushes across and even through the fabric, she can make Vanessa react, _of course_.

 

"No," Vanessa repeats, frowning but she can't help the smile when Nina leans down to press teasing kisses against her neck.

 

"It sounded like a challenge, Miss Quiet," she whispers, nibbling a little as she bunches up Vanessa's shirt, their skin making contact bit by bit. Vanessa has a flash memory of their first night, a sleepover just like this one. It was _months_ ago − how hard to remember what they were before. How much more confident Nina is now. Vanessa still is too, of course, but bit by bit, Nina has found a way through her walls and Vanessa lets herself be pleasured lazily when Nina is being particularly zealous.

 

Her mouth traces the line of Vanessa's neck, her shoulder, down lower. She lingers on her breasts for much, much longer than any dude Vanessa has ever slept with, kisses under the swell of them that tickle a little bit, closer and closer to the nipple, denying her until Vanessa grunts and pushes her hips up in desire, lips circling around one and toying with it until it's hard and red, then torturing the other the same way. Nina Rosario is a boob girl.

 

"I don't see… mmh… what you're talking about."

 

Nina smiles into her skin, slowly tracing a path down her stomach. Her thumbs hook under Vanessa's waistband and she's just about to pull down the shorts − fucking _finally_ − when Vanessa's phone buzzes loudly in her pocket. Another smirk from Nina as she fishes it out. She sits back up smugly, a hand playing with the elastic of Vanessa's pajama shorts.

 

"Now, would you rather be here or answer this text from…" She opens Vanessa's phone and her mood switches instantly, her tone turning cold. "Who's José #3?"

 

A frown settles on her face and she tries to hide it, but Vanessa knows to see beyond a neutral expression. She squirms awkwardly. Nina's hand presses on her stomach to keep her in place, but much too firmly − she notices and puts her hand on her own lap, fidgeting then clenching into a fist and Vanessa hates herself more than ever, guilty even though she's done nothing wrong. Technically.

 

"He's, erm… some dude."

 

 _Some dude I've fucked twice_.

 

"You've never mentioned him before," Nina says coolly.

 

She gets off Vanessa, off the bed, throwing the phone Vanessa's way and putting her shirt back on.

 

"In any case, he's asking for more nudes."

 

Vanessa feels very cold all of a sudden, and even more, very naked. She sits up, pulling her shirt on front of her, covering herself. Nina is at her desk going through some papers. Vanessa sees the way her shoulders tense, the way her jaw clenches. Nina can think she's hiding her emotions, and she is, but she doesn't realize that her blank face is as telling as tears would be.

 

"Nina…"

 

"You know, I have some work left, I remember now. You can go to sleep if you want, your mat is under the bed."

 

Vanessa pulls on her shirt and hugs herself. The air is prickling on her arms.

 

"Or you can go if you don't wanna be here," Nina says, barely louder than a whisper, as if she didn't trust her voice not to break over these words.

 

Vanessa wants to walk over. She wants to walk up to Nina and touch her shoulder and _talk_ to her, and perhaps, maybe Nina would stay for her. But then, there is the stack of letters to those nine colleges only waiting for Nina to blow them away and Vanessa is just one girl from this block. But her heart is thumping and she can't bear all those thoughts.

 

"I wanna be here," she says and she knows why Nina was talking so quietly. Her own voice betrays her when she's trying to be sincere. "I… I'd much rather stay here."

 

"All night?" Nina asks and for once, Vanessa can't read her at all.

 

"Always," Vanessa replies before she can stop herself. "Just… always."

 

Nina stops shuffling with her papers, though she doesn't turn to face Vanessa, but there is the faintest hint of a smile on her lips.

 

"And who _is_ José #3 then?"

 

"He _is_ just some guy," Vanessa sighs. "We, well, met up like twice. I don't care about him, you never I never really care about the guys I…"

 

"Then why do you even…" Nina catches the anger in her own voice immediately. "I'm so sorry. It's not like me to judge. I just didn't know that you still… But you can do what you want with who you want."

 

"I don't know what I want," Vanessa groans, letting herself drop onto Nina's pillow again and squeezes her eyes shut, tries to think clear.

 

Nina has no response to that but Vanessa hears her walk the few steps back to her bed. She sits next to her and gently combs her fingers through her hair.

 

"Don't you?" She asks and her voice is so soft Vanessa almost doesn't hear her if she wasn't so close.

 

Vanessa isn't sure, she hasn't been certain of anything these past months. She scoots back to leave room for Nina to lie next to her. Nina wraps an arm around her waist tentatively, then much more confidently when Vanessa leans into her, burying her face into Nina's neck and hair. Nina's fingers tap mindlessly on her back and Vanessa wants to relax and forget everything and stay in Nina's arms forever. That's what she wants. Nina is supposed to be the anxious one, and yet here she is, fussing over everything.

 

"Do you want me to stop hooking up with other people?"

 

Nina sighs and draws Vanessa closer.

 

"I don't want you to stop anything if you don't want to. We're not… You're free to do whatever."

 

"They're not as good as you."

 

"I doubt that," Nina snorts.

 

"I swear," Vanessa says and she dares to slide a hand under Nina's shirt, loving the way her skin feels, how soft it is and the way Nina relaxes into her touch. "I  only wanna do this with you, if I could, but you're busy and next year…"

 

"I don't wanna think about next year," Nina cuts her and hesitantly, her hand reaches up to stroke Vanessa's cheek. "Not when we're here together."

 

 _Yes, but how together exactly?_ But Vanessa can't seem to focus, can't seem to remember those fat letters sitting on the desk. The here and now seem so much more important, so essential that everything else fades away and certainly everyone else in the world. Nina smiles gently, brushing a strand of hair behind Vanessa's ear. Their faces are ever so close, though that's nothing new. There is nothing new either in the tension Vanessa feels between them, something other than just wanting to fuck each other. It's a tension they've avoided for months, and maybe even before this all started, but it's thrown in her face again and for once, she's not sure she wants to ignore it. Who knows where it will all go when Nina leaves for one of these nine colleges?

 

"Nina…"

 

She's afraid to see hesitancy in Nina's eyes, but whatever amount there is, she seems to get over it. She glances down at Vanessa's lips, back at her eyes. Still smiling. Vanessa's heart is throbbing and thumping as the distance between is closer and closer until it disappears and her world is Nina's lips on hers.

 

Vanessa's first kiss was years ago, still a little kid who wanted to do something naughty and saw a cute boy. She doesn't even remember it, but she knows at once that she'll never forget her first kiss with Nina. The taste of her, never something she's had before, not this, some strawberry chapstick she put on after her shower, the feel of her lips against hers, soft and chapped and everything she wanted and more. She clasps Nina's back, brings her closer still, till their legs intertwine and their arms are so tight around each other it's almost uncomfortable, and still she wants more. It's starting to get chilly outside these days, October dropping temperature by the dozen, but it feels hot as the longest day of summer under the covers with Nina.

 

"Van…" Nina whispers against her lips and Vanessa never thought she'd live to feel this. "Do you still wanna…"

 

"Yes," Vanessa replies at once. "God yeah."

 

There already wasn't much urgency before, with the promise of not being interrupted by her parents if they're so busy with their novela binge, but Nina has all the time in the world when her hand finds Vanessa's waistband again at her back, tracing the line all the way around and pulling it down little by little.

 

"And you… I mean…"

 

"I got you," Vanessa chuckles.

 

She's never been quite as patient as Nina. One squeeze on Nina's butt and she pulls her shorts all the way down and her fingers are at Nina already before Nina has even started on her.

 

"Cheater," Nina snorts and Vanessa kisses her.

 

There's something so much more intimate about tonight. It's not just the kissing. Vanessa has kissed most of her one-night stands, though generally just a good make-out before foreplay begins, and Nina never before, not on the mouth, but Nina's kisses already hold more trust and intimacy than kissing every single dude she's ever made out with.

 

The sex isn't quite the same either. Vanessa likes to rush in, take her pleasure as hard and fast as she can, and then demand it again until she can't take it, but Nina is a more subtle creature. She likes to take her time. When Vanessa pushes a finger inside her and traps her clit under her thumb, Nina pants into the kiss but it doesn't make her any less like herself. She takes what Vanessa has to give, but when it comes to what she gives back, it's all teasing and light touches and barely brushing against her, just a promise of what's to come.

 

So be it. Vanessa has never liked fucking anyone the way she loves what Nina has been doing to her. In a way, the way Nina's fingers just brush against her clit without ever pressing down, fingers only knuckle deep inside her, she's only making her hungry for more and their kisses are ever passionate for it tonight. She bucks her hips into Nina's hand, craving more contact, but has to satisfy herself with the way Nina opens herself for her, sliding a leg over Vanessa's waist. The position is cramped, on their side, probably too uncomfortable to keep for long but Vanessa couldn't care less. She's feeling good, she's kissing a pretty girl, and Nina at that, and she's two fingers deep inside her. Pretty good for a Friday night.

 

"You're so hot, you know that?" She says against Nina's cheek, kissing becoming a bit too overwhelming, the way Nina is rolling her hips on her fingers, something she should be used to by now but that is just as thrilling as that first night every time.

 

"You're not so bad yourself."

 

She could lose herself in this. There's a reason she's pursued so many people before, because all of that was _before_ tonight, because if she can have just Nina to herself until next year, she'll take it. Vanessa loves sex, but she's always loved it more with Nina. There's something special about the way Nina whimpers when Vanessa fingers her, something in her eyes before she closes them when Vanessa presses down just a tad too heavy − though experience has taught her that it's also much more to the point. If she's going to be the main source of Nina's orgasms, she's going to learn to make them as good and to the point as they can be and she's going to enjoy giving them. And what is not to enjoy about Nina's breath catching, the way she bites down on her lip but Vanessa coaxes her mouth open to get every last one of those moans Nina tried to restraint to herself.

 

"Van, I'm gonna…"

 

She can feel it, something in the way Nina contorts herself to get as much friction as she can, the very last bits of pleasure she can get before the orgasm washes over her. Just a few more small thrusts, pushing herself onto Vanessa's fingers all on her own and this is always the best part, not just for Nina but for Vanessa herself. What could be better than Nina's pleasure at her own hand? She clamps down around Vanessa's fingers and who is Miss Quiet now? Thank God for parents too old to hear shit, the volume must be way up on their television. Nina's pretty little moans are for Vanessa to hear only.

 

"That was beautiful," Vanessa tells her when Nina comes back from that high.

 

Nina kisses her lips, just a peck, something that feels soft and special and intimate that Vanessa can't help loving. Her fingers have slowed down their ministrations on Vanessa but she starts again more passionate than ever.

 

"It's not over," she says. "Not for you."

 

Vanessa pulls out her fingers from her. She feels almost sated already, though Nina's fingers curving inside her feel more than a little bit nice, but she's also just as pleased by looking at Nina's face from here up close, the softness in her eyes that has that special nuance post-orgasm that they don't quite get in any other circumstances, the swell of her bitten lips… On a spur, without thinking, she brushes a finger − still wet from their previous activities − against Nina's lower lip and she feels her heart triple size when Nina sucks them in, tasting herself on Vanessa's fingers.

 

" _Oh my god…_ "

 

This shouldn't be as hot as it is, she's not some gross dude with deepthroat blowjob fantasies, and yet here she is, completely helpless against Nina Rosario's wicked tricks like this.

 

"Oh my god…" She repeats, a whimper of a voice left to her and her forehead presses against Nina's.

 

She feels she is instantly about to burst even though she still had some time left before, but if Nina is going to be hot as fire and brimstone, then Vanessa will admit defeat. Nina presses the tip of a third finger inside her, thick and heavy now, and her palm grinds against Vanessa's clit with every motion, and still her mouth around Vanessa's fingers as well, something dumb and so, _so_ hot.

 

"Nina…"

 

Nina moans around her fingers and everything explodes inside Vanessa's mind. Her legs clamp together, gripping on Nina's hand probably way too tight but it's only a short-lived glory that Vanessa wants to experience to the fullest. Every muscle in her body tenses up, her toes curl in and she feels herself buzzing for a few long breathless seconds. Everything seems so much brighter when she comes back down, so much more beautiful. Particularly Nina, who clasps their hands together (they're wet and both of them probably could use another shower just now, but they also both know it won't happen because they are not leaving this bed again tonight), and their eyes lock again. Vanessa wants to kiss her, but the sex part of this moment is over and she's not sure it would be the right move.

 

"So we should definitely only ever do this," Vanessa says, "Together."

 

"Agreed," Nina smiles.

 

"It's a deal, then," Vanessa concludes.

 

Nina tucks herself into her, not bothering to pull back her shorts, not bothering to change anything about the perfect little cocoon the two of them are right now. They don't need to change anything, Vanessa thinks. Change will come way soon enough for them. A few short months, and she'll have to reassert but for the time being, one thing is sure. There is no going back from Nina Rosario. Vanessa is all in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please I beg of you, leave a comment. I know it's unusual to leave comments on fics but I really feel like you hate everything I write when you don't leave any feedback at all. Comments are my only way to feel like you don't hate my writing.


	5. Winter, or Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina and Vanessa take a walk through the park in winter.

Vanessa hates the cold. She hates the heat, of course, but the cold is worse. She complains twice as much during winter. Nina isn't big on cold herself, but she loves the shine of the sun on the snow and she's dragged Vanessa on a walk in the park.

 

"It's freezing here," Vanessa grumbles. "I can't feel my fingers."

 

"Oh, hush," Nina smirks. "It's beautiful out here."

 

"Sure, if you like _snow_ ," Vanessa retorts and Nina squeezes her hand tighter to comfort her.

 

Vanessa may be as grumpy as Nina's dad without a nap or her mother before café, but even she can't deny that there is magic in Fort Washington Park when it is hidden under two feet of snow. The way it shines under the sun, how bright it is, almost blinding, and its crunch under their boots… It's the perfect day and place for a date.

 

Because that's what this is.

 

Nina keeps a modest heart but she also trust her brains and there's a moment when you have to read the signs you get with clarity. And though they were muddled and opaque for the longest time, they have been nothing but clearer and clearer. It's been a year since their first time. They know each other's bodies and souls by heart now. They've gone exclusive, they've kissed (although only just during sex so far − Vanessa is a frightened little wild thing when it comes to matters off the heart and Nina won't rush her), they spend more time together than with anyone else. They love each other − before all this, they used to say the words under the pretense of friendship all the time, from the time they were little kids, but their meaning has changed now and they've died out of their mouths. They may not say them anymore, but Nina is surer of her own feelings every day and she _knows_ she can't be so far off as to completely misread Vanessa. By any measurable standard, this is a date. They're girlfriends in every way but official.

 

So Nina doesn't push for the label. It'll come when it comes. A rose by any other name… In name, they're friends, but in truth they're friends who fell in love with each other at some point along the way. Nina enjoys their time together just as much. It's a nice morning out here with Vanessa. Freezing cold, sure, but she's got Vanessa's gloved hand in hers. There's a handful of people scattered around the park, some children playing in the snow.

 

"Do you wanna build a snowman?" Nina asks, the joy a big bubble deep in her chest warming her up from the inside.

 

Vanessa frowns.

 

" _No_ ," she replies blankly. "Did you just ask me to hang out here to _play_?"

 

Nina giggles. They can play plenty inside.

 

"Of course not," she says. "I asked you because I love spending time with you."

 

"Hmpf," Vanessa grumbles and walks a little faster as if to keep herself warm.

 

It's a clear day out. No wind, sun in the sky. There is ice on the Hudson but not enough to cover it all across.

 

"Me too," Vanessa mutters under her breath.

 

"Mmh?"

 

Vanessa sighs exasperatedly, makes a show of rolling her eyes.

 

"Me too," she repeats slowly, like a stubborn child. "I, erm, also love spending time with you."

 

They pause to look a teach other and Nina is flooded with the desire to kiss her, but they've never done that out of bed and how much less in public. But Vanessa's lips are always so inviting, even chapped from the lingering winter and masked in cute purple lip gloss. They're close enough that she could just lean closer, just for a peck, a tiny nothing of a kiss and who is spying on them that they would spot it? Yet she can't bring herself to do it, not out of the blue.

 

"Van, I…"

 

"Yeah?" Vanessa replies and Nina can only hope she's not making up the eagerness in her voice.

 

"I want to…"

 

However she was going to finish this sentence, the words are lost forever as a snowball hits her square in the face. Cold bites at her and she looses her footing for just a second, and Vanessa's hand in hers.

 

"What the…"

 

She somehow registers Vanessa running away, hollering after the culprit kids playing by the bushes.

 

"Sonny!" Vanessa shrieks. "I seen you!"

 

Nina rubs her face clean, somehow just a bit less in awe with winter all of a sudden, to see Vanessa get the best revenge on the group of kids snickering at the prank. Pink faced, sweaty, they were in the middle of a snow fight that Nina was unwillingly brought into. Vanessa, her knight in shining armor as it seems, is trying to bury them in snow, fighting dirty, trying to wrestle three at a time. Nina laughs. Her Vanessa might very well end up winning against these three, of course she can. But better with a little help…

 

She packs a bit of snow compact in her hands, real tight. They're just a little way away, she thinks, and if she focuses enough she thinks she might just get Sonny, and once their leader is down, the others will scatter away. She takes her sweet time to aim, smiling despite herself at the boys' breathless giggles as all of them try to push Vanessa down in the snow. She finds an angle, prepares herself, breathes, shoots.

 

"Fucking shit!" Vanessa yells, red in the face.

 

 _Oops_. Sonny ducked just in time, by coincidence or premonition, she cannot say, but Vanessa, who had gotten a hold of him and was rubbing snow against his cheeks viciously, got a face full of Nina's snowball. She stares in disbelief until her face breaks into a wolfish grin and the game is _on_.

 

Nina runs for her life as Vanessa chases her all across Fort Washington Park and back, both unable to stop giggling, breathless and hot, trying to pick whatever snow they can to throw at each other every other step, in what is half a snow fight and half a chase to their demise. They boys have dropped all stakes in the fight, seeing in Nina a much bigger opponent than them to face Vanessa. They're standing in a pack and shouting encouragement to whoever seems to win − namely at Vanessa. Nina can't stop laughing and she's beginning to hurt at the sides. Vanessa has always been the better runner.

 

Nina's mistake is risking a short break to catch her breath. With a war cry, Vanessa tackles her to the ground and they both roll down a slope, their limbs a whole big mess together, Vanessa trying to push snow down Nina's collar, Nina to tickle her away. The fall is stopped by them crashing against a tree stump in the middle of bushes.

 

"Ow," Vanessa says flatly after a long couple seconds of silence.

 

Nina snorts, still short of breath under the weight of Vanessa above her. She wriggles a little bit but Vanessa won't let her free, taking a hold of her hands and pinning them on the ground above her head, smirking at her unfair advantage.

 

"You cool down there?" She asks.

 

Nina is cold, her butt and her back, and her hair is going to be hell to unknot. There is a root digging at her neck and her skin is ice from the snow around them, though more sparse in the bushes. But through her body she also feels fire, from the run, from the fall, from Vanessa.

 

"I'm great," she replies with a grin.

 

If she's not going to have the use of her hands, at the very least she has her legs. She presses one up between Vanessa's, way too intimate for a public park, and gets the satisfaction of feeling Vanessa push back, once, twice, before catching herself in the act.

 

"You little…"

 

A voice comes from up the other side of the slope they rolled down.

 

"Erm, girls, you alright?"

 

Vanessa rolls her eyes at Sonny's voice.

 

"Fuck off, Son'…"

 

Nina uses her brief window of wavering attention to push herself up, rolling both of them around, landing on top of Vanessa with a muffled groan.

 

"We're fine," Sonny," she replies and Vanessa sighs exasperatedly at losing her upper hand so easily. "You can go now."

 

"Right…" Sonny trails off and they hear the telltale crunch of his steps in the snow, away from them.

 

Their eyes meet again with the glint that Nina has become all too used to. There is a challenge meeting her in that depth.

 

"Happy?" Vanessa sighs.

 

Nina's leg presses down and Vanessa can be as petty as she wants, but she's opening up her legs all the same.

 

"Very happy," Nina smiles and lets go of her hands to allow Vanessa to break free.

 

Her little prisoner seems in no hurry to get away from Nina's body on hers. She traps Nina's leg between hers, her hips bucking up, and wraps her arms around Nina's neck, gives her the sweetest charming smile after all the fuss. Nina could pride herself in this, that she seems to be able to turn rough, blunt Vanessa into something soft, but the truth is that she also feels softer around Vanessa, and kinder and funnier and better. They're making something special out of each other that goes beyond the sum of their parts. She loves herself when she's with Vanessa almost as much as she loves her.

 

"You look so beautiful," she lets out on a sudden romantic spur, feeling Vanessa's curves under her, her flushed face, everything she never knew she wanted.

 

And still that smile and she can feel Vanessa playing with her hair at the back, and there is no one to see them here, or even that many people in the park at all. She stops whatever her leg is doing and Vanessa doesn't chase it back. Mouth slightly open, she's staring at Nina like she's seeing her for the first time. Nina's heart is throbbing inside her chest and with a finger, she traces the line of Vanessa's cheek. She wants them to be together, actually and verbally together so, so much. She wants to be in a park with her girlfriend and kiss her if she wants. And she knows Vanessa wants this too. There is nothing unambiguous about the way her breath catches and her lips part and her legs tighten around Nina's, more clingy than possessive now. So Nina takes the leap.

 

It's almost nothing of a kiss − Nina _wants_ it to be chaste, for Vanessa to clearly understand that this is _not_ meant as foreplay, or not yet. A peck on the lips, barely lingering, a tender touch of the fingers on Vanessa's cheek, trying to pour all the gentleness that Vanessa can inspire in her. She pulls back, unsure of herself, watching Vanessa's blank face and before she can scramble off and apologize, Vanessa pulls her back down for another kiss.

 

Vanessa is more passionate, always has been, and all the time Nina loves her for it but when Vanessa parts her lips, tongue and teeth and every bit of herself in the kiss, she's not so sure that Vanessa understood it as she meant. _So be it_ , she thinks, _there will be other times_. As the kiss grows as passionate as Vanessa, two things become quite clear. They have to take it further. Also, they have to go home.

 

"I can't feel my ass," Vanessa snorts between kisses.

 

"We should get going," Nina agrees, but she is far too well nested against Vanessa's body and her legs and arms the most delicious sheath around her.

 

"We should," Vanessa says and a hand of hers slips between them to palm Nina's breasts through the layers against the cold, and her lips slide down to her snow-wet neck, but then she abruptly stops herself as a shiver runs through her. "Yeah, let's go."

 

A mundane Sunday afternoon, Nina's parents are going to be home and there is something wild in her today that makes her want to make Vanessa moan for her, cry out if she can get her there. She thinks it might be some deep instinct to make Vanessa really _hers_ , but the very thought of Vanessa being anyone's but herself, girlfriend or not, is laughable. Still, they get back to their feet, regain some amount of decency, and are off to Vanessa's place, for once.

 

As a rule, tacitly enforced by Vanessa and dutifully obeyed by Nina, no one enters Vanessa's apartment except her and her mom, who also doesn't really get out of it, if rumors are true. Vanessa's mom is the prickliest of spiky issues and Nina has always opted for not talking about her, respectfully matching Vanessa's own silence.

 

When they enter the apartment after way too long a walk filled with shivering and clenching teeth with snow in every part of their clothings, but also with giggling and whispering naughty promises, Nina pretends she doesn't hear the faint snoring through the closed door to the room of Vanessa's mom as they make their way to Vanessa's room. She'll have to talk about it with her parents some day, or Abuela Claudia, but her poor mind is overwhelmed with a whole other type of thoughts as soon as Vanessa shimmies out of her coat and thighs and skirt and drops a trail of soggy wet clothes behind her. Nina follows her and suddenly it doesn't matter much that there is a sour aftersmell to this house, that there is a litter of beer bottles near the sofa and a load of dirty dishes in the sink, way more than a couple days. She loses track of everything but the sway of Vanessa's hips as she gradually gets rid of every single piece of clothing on her gorgeous body. Nina gulps, watches Vanessa get under the covers of her bed and open them for her with a wicked grin.

 

"You made me cold," she states. "Now you gotta make me hot."

 

Heat won't be a problem, Nina knows as she makes a pile of her clothes faster than she ever has in her life, even in all the layers she put on in the icy weather outside this morning.

 

" _I_ made you cold?" She smirks, joining Vanessa under the thick comforter. "I seem to recall you tackling me to the ground."

 

Vanessa moans at the lightest touch, just Nina grabbing her hips to pull her close. They kiss, but there is a smile behind their lips.

 

"I seem to recall you throwing a snowball at my face," she replies, nudging Nina's legs open with hers, grabbing her hands. "And whose idea was it to go out in the blizzard out there anyways?"

 

Nina is sure she'll never get used to Vanessa's kisses, a chase every time, a challenge, daring Nina to match her.

 

"Guess I owe you," Nina admits, a moan at Vanessa's cold fingers trailing across her belly and down. She wriggles at the touch. "Your fingers are too cold, you're _punishing_ me."

 

Vanessa stops whatever treat she was going to give Nina and, her brow cocked, gets off her and buries herself under the covers, pulling Nina above her. The fabric is bunching up, this tiny nest they've created just around them.

 

"I'd like to see _you_ warm me up with your cold fingers," she says, faking offense.

 

Nina finds her spot between Vanessa's legs, mouth pressing kisses in the crook of her neck. There is still bits of snow melt and Vanessa's braided hair is wet but to Nina, she has never seemed so alluring.

 

"Who said I was gonna use my fingers?" Nina whispers and she loves that for all experienced Vanessa is, she still feels like she can make her all hot and bothered sometimes. She loves having something to bring to this almost relationship.

 

"Well, go ahead then," Vanessa breathes out. "Make me hot."

 

Feeling emboldened, Nina grabs one of Vanessa's long, beautiful legs. Dropping kisses from the ankle up, she brings it up, wraps it around her waist. When she pushes herself infinitely closer and they meet in the middle, Vanessa moans exactly like Nina wanted. She has to admit that this is thrilling. She knows she said she wouldn't use fingers but just a little, she reaches down where their clits are rubbing, presses down and lower, parts their lips like nothing can ever get between them and every part of their bodies need to be intimately against the other. The rhythm is weird, both unused to the position. Under her, Vanessa closes her eyes and takes every bit of pleasure Nina can give them. Leg tight around Nina's waist, the friction between them is almost unbearable. Nina's head drops at Vanessa's neck again, arms circling her and for once, she feels she knows exactly what she's doing, judging by what wanton groans she gets out of Vanessa.

 

"Are you…" She can't help the obscene whimper when Vanessa bucks her hips just so, giving their grinding a new perfect angle. "Are you hot yet?"

 

Vanessa's fingers tighten in her curls, hips and body rolling with hers.

 

"Getting there," she replies, and Nina is on the same path.

 

It's always so exhilarating to have Vanessa flush against her, a little bit more so every time they do this. She can't believe that a year ago, Vanessa was showing her the ropes for the first time and here they are today. The intimacy they already had as friends has grown so much deeper, and the sex really is that good every time too. Peppering kisses across Vanessa's face, her neck, the top of her breasts, she feels as lucky as ever to be in her life − and in her bed. There is nothing not to love about Vanessa. Her body aches with want, desire to know every part of her as she has so many times this past year. Their breasts are rubbing against each other but the memory of their taste is still in Nina's mouth, almost as delicious as down between her legs. She could go for eating her out right now, but Vanessa is clamping on her− she is not going anywhere until she comes.

 

It's a different orgasm they're building up to today, perhaps longer to come with the cold still numbing them not too long ago, perhaps Nina unwittingly making it last as long as she can. Perhaps as much as she wants them to stay together forever, she knows separation could come any day, with Vanessa's wild unpredictability in the worst case, or in any case with college next year, fingers crossed. They won't be at high school age forever and it may be a while before they enjoy their intimacy the same way they have this year.

 

So Nina squeezes up every last bit of it now, rocks herself into Vanessa. She snorts on the inside when she realizes how much they must look like horny kids dry humping, but there is nothing dry going on here. Their skin is sweaty, almost too hot under the thick covers now, and down below they're probably making a mess on the mattress, but Nina will care about that later. She can only think about Vanessa's body against hers and her whimpers in her ear, how slick and hot she feels right against her and the words leave her before she can think of any consequence.

 

"I love you…"

 

She's thought them so many times, but they haven't said them to each other in months, not since all of this began. As kids they exchanged _'I love you'_ s all the time and there was only one way they could be understood, but as their feelings grew, their professions died down, afraid to speak their new relationship into existence. Nina wanted the first time she said those words since the last time she said them to be meaningful and deep and special, not in the middle of a really good lay. She wanted them to feel as important as Vanessa is to her. She also wanted Vanessa to reciprocate the feeling. Or at the very least to be understanding. Scratch that, _at the very least for Vanessa to react at all_.

 

Everything has changed, and yet nothing has changed. Vanessa is still clutching her back and her hair, she is still taking all of Nina's grinding and rocking like a diva, she is still moaning her heart's out, and Nina loves her and she hasn't said anything to that. Nina's heart sinks in her chest despite herself. She _knows_ Vanessa can't not have heard. She _knows_ Vanessa can't not feel the same, not with all the signs growing more obvious every day. But she also _knows_ Vanessa can't open up her heart for all the tea in China and it seems that the lovey-dovey confession of love she'd been craving will not be coming today. A little disgusted with herself, she wants nothing but to go home, even though there is also no place in the world she craves more than Vanessa. The pleasure seems less intense all of a sudden, the sensations numbed by Vanessa's silence.

 

She goes through the motions, holding Vanessa tight with more desperation than she cares for. She loves her more than ever, despite everything. Soon she gets Vanessa right at the edge and, selfishly, stupidly, she grants herself one bit of pleasure, emotional if her body isn't up for much more today.

 

"I love you," she repeats at the same time as she pushes Vanessa right over the line.

 

She feels her pulsing between their legs and under different circumstances, on a better day, this would be mind-blowing, but today Vanessa is the only one moaning and arching her back. She gives her this, at least, and a second chance to react that Vanessa, again, doesn't take. She even has the nerve to gently brush Nina's hair when she's done before Nina rolls off her, grabbing the covers, feeling indecently exposed.

 

"You haven't… you know?"

 

"It's fine," Nina says and hates that she sounds so cold.

 

Vanessa has the audacity of trying to be warm and cuddly, kisses on Nina's neck, a hand cupping her breasts and then sliding lower, but Nina grabs it before Vanessa can touch her.

 

"I said it's fine," she says more firmly, and for half a second, Vanessa's face betrays her hurt and guilt, but she plasters a fake neutral smile on it.

 

"Alright," she replies, already getting up to get fresh clothes from the closet. "You wanna hang out?"

 

"No," Nina replies abruptly and hates that she can only hear how harsh and probably butthurt she sounds _after_ having spoken. Quickly, she gets back into tracks. "I have an essay due."

 

Nevermind that the essay is typed and revised and sent already. That is not for Vanessa to know. The petty justification comes to her that if Vanessa can hold back everything to herself, then so can she.

 

"I'll get going."

 

"Oh… See you at the bodega tomorrow?" Vanessa asks hopefully.

 

"I have tutoring before class," Nina lies as she puts back her cold, wet clothes. "I'll text you."

 

"Cool…" Vanessa bites her lip, almost about to add something, but as Nina challenges her to say it out, cocking her brow, Vanessa gulps and nods. "Cool. See you, I guess."

 

 _That's what I thought,_ Nina thinks grimly. The way home seems infinitely long and lonely. She's barely set a foot inside that her mom commands her to go take a long hot shower if she doesn't want to catch pneumonia, if it's not too late already. The water washes away at least a bit of the sorrow, for sure, and for that Nina is grateful. She just wishes she could just for a while brush Vanessa from her thoughts but her heart has never been so full and heavy of longing for her. She can just about _feel_ the softness of Vanessa's skin under her fingers…

 

A deep sigh comes out of Nina's chest and she hates herself for doing this. Shower head between her legs and fingers as well, while she's at it, she lets her mind wander. But where she initially thought of Vanessa's smile and the feel of her toned arms around her and how much she loves touching her, the warmth and softness down there, soon the fantasy turns into something much more constructed, fixing the past.

 

 _I love you too_ , the Vanessa of her daydream says and kisses Nina over and over again. _I love you so much_. Nina feels exhausted and her wrist gets tired but she refuses to stop, not now. _You're mine and I'm yours. I love you_. Vanessa offering her neck for Nina to kiss, her small breasts Nina loves to cherish until Vanessa begs for more, opening her legs and pushing her head down, and the flesh pulsing under Nina's mouth, clit gulfing between her lips. _Yes, yes, right there._ Vanessa's hands in her hair, legs trapping her, hips pushing herself closer. _I love you_.

 

Weakly, pitifully, Nina does get that orgasm today. The water has run cold by now, the end of the shower painfully chill. She's going straight to bed when the first sneeze hits her.


	6. Spring, or First Time Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina confronts Vanessa regarding her silence.

The way things fall apart is heartbreaking, with more than enough signs that Vanessa knows it's all over. Of course, it all boils back to that day in the snow before Nina got sick. It wasn't the same that day already and it certainly wasn't the same after the week or so of recovery, and things have been fundamentally different since. Vanessa saw the end coming.

 

They stopped seeing each other for a week during Nina's strep throat, and the next time they met up, there was an open gap between them that Vanessa has not known how to breach ever since. Maybe because she caused it in the first place.

 

It's not that they've stopped having sex. They haven't, not completely. It's been months and they've fucked a few times, but Vanessa senses a distance in Nina's every touch that never used to be there, and so she hasn't poured out her soul into it either. They meet up at Nina's, hold some awkward and stilted conversation, Vanessa craving to say so much more, to beg Nina for answers, but instead, she lies her down and they have just as stilted sex as the words that came before. Gone are the cutesie texts, even more the sexting, and the cuddly sex in the little hours of the night when they're half asleep but can't let go of each other. They're only just friends with benefits now, probably, if they're really friends at all as they had been before. If they were ever anything different. Vanessa is losing what she doesn't even know she ever had.

 

It's all Nina's fault, she tells herself, knowing fully well how wrong she is. It was Nina who planted all the doubts in Vanessa's mind. First with her smiles and her moans and her kisses, then with those words in her bed on that cold day that Vanessa hasn't managed to forget. What did she _mean_? They're words they used to exchange as children when they would play the game of "I love you more", in turn saying dumb things like best friends do. "I love you more than coffee" was always Vanessa's favorite, and she used to tease Nina about her "I love you more than school". She knows Nina can't possibly mean the words as more than those childish whispers. _Can she?_ She's scared and horrified to find out, and for that reason she has refused to acknowledge them, refused to take the risk of _knowing_.

 

She could have gone that way until things naturally died down, until Nina understood that Vanessa was trying to create distance to protect herself, until the sex became so distanced and bland it wasn't worth it anymore. She could have kept the memories. But last week, the big bulky envelope came with Stanford University's stink all over it and does Nina really love Vanessa more than school now, or ever has? It was always a lie, or maybe it never was a lie at all, Vanessa has no idea. All that she knows for sure is that asking Nina to tell her the truth once and for all is out of the question. She wants Nina to tell her it was all a big misunderstanding, that her "I love you" did in fact mean everything Vanessa wanted to hear, and she wants the kisses again, and to hold hands and introduce her to the world as her girlfriend Nina Rosario who will change the world, but it's all a dumb fantasy and anyways, everybody already knows Nina except her, who is not sure she knows her at all.

 

Vanessa can't take the rejection, but she can't take the doubts either. Of course, they're not for much longer, thank God, or damn him. In the summer, Nina will be away all across the country and Vanessa won't have to dwell on what she meant by bringing back their childhood whispers all the way from _before_ everything, as if she wanted to go back to that state of sole friendship, but Vanessa hopes and also doubts that it could be something else. She already knows she won't replace Nina with anyone, or not before a very long time, and she's ready for a life of solitude if she has to. No one compares to her anyways. The past week has been awful, but she better get used to it. It's what's expecting her now.

 

"Oye," Daniela says, flicking her ear. "You're not paid to look at the dispatch longingly."

 

"I wasn't!" Vanessa retorts but she shakes the thoughts away to greet the next custom...

 

"Nina..."

 

Beautiful, serious, perfect Nina is in the doorway of the salon, a determined look on her face.

 

"Perfecto," Daniela comments from behind them, walking over to kiss Nina on the cheek, pinching the other. "Vanessa might finally wake up. Siéntate, mija, Vanessa will deal with you."

 

Vanessa glares at Daniela's back already, chatting with Carla across the salon room, but she can't disobey direct orders from her boss, not if she wants a roof over her head and her mom's. With heavy feet, she walks to a free chair and asks Nina what she wants.

 

"Same I've always wanted," Nina has the nerve to say and Vanessa hates the way her heart tightens. "Also just a trim."

 

Vanessa grunts quietly but does as asked nonetheless, in silence. The last time they saw each other was at the bodega when Nina showed her and Usnavi the envelope. Why couldn't Nina let Vanessa make herself forgotten? Why couldn't she let her do as she pleased? She just _had_ to find her. She sits in the chair by the sinks and stares at Vanessa in the mirror.

 

"Your head back," Vanessa says and Nina drops her head back for the shampoo. Her curls make a cascade in the sink behind, thick and beautiful between Vanessa's fingers and it wasn't too long ago but it feels like an eternity since she last had the chance to comb through that hair, to feel at least a little bit close to Nina. She turns around to get the shampoo, something that smells as sweet as Nina, checks that Daniela isn't looking, and just as she rubs it into Nina's hair, Nina just has to do the thing again and make Vanessa _feel_.

 

"How long were you gonna avoid me?"

 

Vanessa pauses but quickly recovers and foams up all the shampoo into Nina's hair. _As long as needed,_ she thinks, _for it to stop hurting_.

 

"I don't know what you mean."

 

Nina snorts breathlessly, humorlessly, which makes her chest heave up a little bit, you can see it clearly from this angle. Vanessa looks back at the hair.

 

"I think you do," Nina says in that cold voice of hers Vanessa hates but has heard quite a bit the past couple months.

 

She shrugs and rinses Nina's hair, ignoring the sigh she gets against her silence. Also ignoring Daniela's whispers across the room. Nina's previous visits to the salon haven't historically been quite as quiet ; they're looking suspicious. She wraps the hair in a fresh towel. Nina is frowning.

 

"Please, over here," she tells her, gesturing to the chairs by the vanities and preparing her scissors and combs.

 

"I know you don't like to talk about any of this," Nina says and Vanessa hates the warmth in her chest at Nina understanding her even just a little. "I don't like to make you but it's been a week, and things have been off ever since I… Well, I need to know now."

 

Vanessa brushes Nina's hair gently, purposefully keeping her eyes down on her work so they don't have to meet Nina's. She has nothing to say, or rather she has everything to say and is afraid to spill too much. She's in love with her, hasn't Nina understood by now? She's in love with the girl _everybody_ is in love with, who is above all that flying away in less than six months, who will forget her. Whatever she thought they might have had, they didn't, and her heart is constantly sore with the hope that maybe they did.

 

"Do you..." Nina takes a big breath that Vanessa feels all the way without even looking. "Do you want to pretend nothing ever happened? The last few times, you were… I mean, I thought it was..."

 

The last thing Vanessa wants is to forget any of it. She knows she wills only have the memories to go off of. She's already had more than one pitiful rubs in the shower thinking about that fateful day back in February, imagining those words in the right context. It's the last thing she will have when she's left alone next year. But Nina doesn't want to know that. Pathetically, Vanessa admits part of it, and maybe Nina will let her mourn in peace.

 

"No," she whispers. "No, I don't want to forget any of it. I thought _you_ were putting it past you."

 

 _Push it down_ , she thinks. _Shut up and do your job_. Her hands are shaking a little bit but she focuses on the comb and the scissors, just like any other customer.

 

"Past me?!" Nina says. "What the frick, Vanessa, I… _I tell you that I love you_ and what you get out of it is I want to end things?!"

 

There is a thrum inside Vanessa's chest and she wants to shout, to justify herself, but she's not sure she understands exactly.

 

"We used to tell each other I lo _…_ _those words_ , when we were friends. D'you remember? The 'I love you more' thing, we were so dumb…"

 

When she dares to catch a glimpse of Nina's face, her mouth is gaping open in horror.

 

" _Oh my god,_ Vanessa, how many years ago was that?! We're not children anymore!"

 

"I mean…" Vanessa mumbles.

 

Shame is burning inside her and her mind seems unable to process the implications of her misunderstanding.

 

"I love you," Nina repeats and Vanessa can't help her heart racing at the knowledge that those words apparently meant exactly what she was hoping for. "I thought you… I thought you felt the same but it's like you're slipping away and I just wanted to, to hear whatever you had to say face to face."

 

Vanessa pauses to gather herself, starts trimming the hair again to put her thoughts in order. So Nina says her love is genuine. Vanessa retraces their past for proof and feels overwhelmed by the weight of it all, but shakes her head. The past is the past. And what does it matter if they had any past romantic shit if there is no future in store for them at all?

 

"What about Stanford?"

 

"What do you _mean_ , what about… Oh."

 

She falls silent for a moment, which Vanessa uses to blow dry her hair. They would be too loud if they tried to talk through the noise and the last thing Vanessa wants is for Daniela to hear this. Besides, combing through Nina's slightly shortened curls calms her down even just a little. She's feeling Nina buzzing a little with anxiety and makes sure to press a hand on her shoulder, as calm and heavy as she can make it. The tension is not as easily soothed, but then it's probably her fault and she has to work to help Nina and help herself through it. If one part of her problems has been wiped away, the doubt that Nina isn't interested in her romantically, the deep fear of losing her isn't gone at all. And she is still trying to take in that first part.

 

"You have so many people to meet there and I want you to go, but I'll miss you. I thought…"

 

"There is no one there I'll care about anywhere near as much as you."

 

Nina's voice is firm in her confession and Vanessa so wants to believe. She sits next to her and grabs her hand, checking Nina's nails to keep up appearances of a normal visit to the salon. They're probably way suspicious already. She turns around to check on Daniela but finds her busy with a customer, though she may just be very good at not getting caught spying. When she turns back to her so much more important conversation at hand, Vanessa finds Nina's wide, gorgeous, anxious eyes on her. She holds her hand gently, working at the cuticles. Nina has always been a nail biter, constantly chided by Daniela about it.

 

"So what does this mean for us?" Vanessa hears herself ask, though where that courage came from, she cannot say.

 

Nina lets herself be pampered, but her other hand, she puts on Vanessa's knee and squeezes.

 

"It means whatever you want it to mean," she replies softly. "Van, I love you."

 

These words again. Vanessa is still wrapping her head around those. Her heart knows them well, though.

 

"Me too," she whispers back and hates that she has to live this moment in this salon, at work, far from a bed where she could lie Nina down and cherish her all day and night. "I love you too."

 

She swears that Nina's eyes hold a bit of magic then, the way they light up. Damn it all, damn everything and especially herself, but she can't resist those eyes. She drops Nina's hands, her tools, and pulls Nina's face to hers. She kisses hers like she never has, like she's always wanted to but thought it would be unwelcome, not out of bed. How wrong she was. Nina pulls on her waist, as close as they can possibly be and, horrified, Vanessa suddenly remembers where they are. When she pulls back, she catches just a glimpse of Nina slowly opening her eyes, all dreamy, and of course Daniela ruins everything.

 

"Virgen María de los Cielos…" She says emphatically.

 

Vanessa dares to turn to see Carla's bulging eyes, two hands clasped on her mouth. Daniela shows no sign of surprise at all. All Vanessa sees is smugness. It's just the four of them in here, but it feels like a huge crowd is their witness.

 

"Well, this is settled," Daniela says with a vague hand gesture. "I knew you two needed to kiss and make up."

 

"What?!" Nina squeaks and Vanessa would snort at the sound if she wasn't feeling so enraged herself.

 

" _You knew?!_ " She blurts out.

 

Again, that hand, that dismissal. Vanessa feels heat rising to her cheeks, from anger and embarrassment, or maybe even shame.

 

"You," Daniela says, laying one hand on Nina's and her own shoulder each. "Need to take the afternoon. Go home and tell each other _everything_ you have to say."

 

"I can't go home," Vanessa replies dubiously − with Daniela, she's always scared anything could be a test.

 

Daniela checks her wrist watch.

 

"You're right, your mother… But at this time, there is Nina's home…" She smiles, but Vanessa has never felt so ridiculed. "The Rosarios' it is! Take the afternoon."

 

"We're not going to her home! We don't need to talk about anything!"

 

"I mean…" Nina says cautiously, hand slipping into hers.

 

Behind them, Carla is shaking her head, eyes squinted shut, unable to process anything, whispering in Spanish faster than Vanessa can understand.

 

"And if you don't, you're fired," Daniela says with finality.

 

Vanessa was on the fence between shame and anger but now definitely falls straight into the latter.

 

"You can't do that!" She cries out.

 

"Try me," Daniela says, a hand at her waist.

 

Carla pops from behind her and holds up Vanessa's jacket and handbag. Vanessa hates every person in here who is not Nina, and even then it's a little bit hard when Nina gets the bag, hands Vanessa the jacket and takes her by the hand. On their way out, Vanessa makes sure to glare at Daniela to death.

 

"This is dumb!" She rages as Nina leads them down the street, past the bodega. "I could have just waited till the end of my shift, you think she's gonna take the day off my check? Bosses can't do that!"

 

"She's not doing this as your boss," Nina says gently and for just a second, Vanessa stops being furious as the sunlight hits on Nina's hair just right and makes her look so pretty. "She's doing this as your friend."

 

Nina may be cute but she's still wrong.

 

"Daniela's not my friend."

 

Nina shrugs, opening the door for them.

 

"She's mine, then," she says. "After you."

 

She holds up an arm whether genuinely or sarcastically chivalrous, Vanessa cannot say.

 

"I still think we could've waited," she insists. "And with the bodega downstairs from yours!"

 

"This never bothered you before."

 

"And Usnavi and Sonny? They gonna hear us!"

 

"Are you planning to be loud?" Nina smirks.

 

Vanessa grunts, climbs the steps silently. Nina's home had grown so strange for her the past couple months, the distance growing between them, their relations a shadow of what they used to be. It feels so liberating to enter the place and feel at home again. Nothing has changed, of course, only there are a few Stanford flags on the fridge and the walls now. Vanessa gulps.

 

"Come on, don't be like this," Nina says gently. "I'm so relieved to talk to you again, we need this."

 

She sits on the sofa and pats the space beside her. Reluctantly, Vanessa joins her.

 

"So we're doing this then," she grumbles.

 

"If you'll have me…"

 

Nina holds her hand hesitantly. Vanessa interlaces their fingers and Nina's palm fits right against hers. Of course Nina, angelic Nina, finds the way to soothe her in seconds, kissing her, soft and pliable, but they've come here to talk and Nina will hold them up to that plan.

 

"I don't want any more misunderstandings," she says, brushing Vanessa's hair behind her ear tenderly.

 

"Well, I'm easily misunderstood," Vanessa tries to joke but Nina shuts her down with a stern look.

 

"You're stubborn and stuck in your ways is what you are," she chides her, and pauses. "And I still love you."

 

Vanessa looks away.

 

"You say that…" She mumbles, staring at her lap.

 

"And I mean it. I've always meant it."

 

There is a warmth going through Vanessa every time Nina reaffirms her feelings.

 

"How about when we were kids?"

 

Nina rolls her eyes but there is no exasperation in the gesture, only fondness.

 

"I don't know, Van, maybe I loved you my whole life? Is that what you wanna hear?"

 

"I dunno," Vanessa shrugs. She leans her head against Nina's shoulder, bringing their hands on her lap. "Maybe."

 

"Then let's say that I did." Vanessa nods, but Nina goes on. "We need to talk about our future, Vanessa."

 

Vanessa shivers. She's spent the better part of the past year thinking about exactly that but until now, all of her prospects had always pointed to an inevitable and definitive separation. She gave hope a try for a while, before the fears took her over, and now she's not quite sure what to feel about the whole thing. She stays silent.

 

"I'm not going to stop feeling like this just because I'm not right next to you."

 

Vanessa wants to believe her, she really does. Suddenly craving some intimacy, she lies her head on Nina's lap and Nina combs her fingers through her hair gently.

 

"I was afraid you'd find yourself a college boyfriend," she admits. "And you wouldn't care about me."

 

"That's _never_ going to happen," Nina promises. "Not when I have a much, much better high school girlfriend."

 

"Girlfriend, huh?"

 

She takes Nina's hand from her hair, pulls it to her mouth to press a kiss on her palm.

 

"If you don't run away scared when I call you that," Nina smiles. "Or refuse to acknowledge it."

 

"It's not my fault I thought you meant something else! I… I thought you were letting me down gently."

 

"I know," Nina leans down to kiss her and Vanessa loves that this is something they're doing again. "Girlfriends?"

 

Vanessa feels like all her smiles before this one must have been fake, because she's never felt more genuinely happy in her life.

 

"Girlfriends."

 

The silence that follows is nothing like the previous months. Not filled with doubts and questions, this silence is only made of mutual understanding and love. Vanessa is almost scared to break it.

 

"I wonder if Daniela has placed microphones around your house just in case."

 

Nina laughs.

 

"She's not that bad," she says, ever polite. "Just… invested."

 

Vanessa stares at the wall, the old shelves that seem to hold more books every time she comes by. She remembers a day not too long ago, this summer, when she was sitting against Nina's headboard, Nina in her arms reading. They didn't even have sex that day.

 

"Well, I hate that she's shoving her nose everywhere like that."

 

"You need to calm down," Nina says and Vanessa certainly doesn't miss the way Nina's hands rub her arms, the look in her eyes. She wants to snort. This is so like Nina, trying to be subtle, trying to pretend she is not initiating, just making a cute and thoughtful remark and oh, wouldn't it be just the best coincidence if they just _happened_ to calm her down by having sex? Vanessa knows that trick by heart.

 

"Do I, now?" She smirks.

 

Nina hums and nods. Well, Vanessa will indulge her too obvious girlfriend − her heart clenches in delight at that word − and see what Nina has to offer to calm her down from being mad at a ridiculously intrusive boss. With a fair prediction of where this might end up.

 

"Alright, then. Go ahead, calm me down."

 

Nina stands up and grabs her hands to lead her to the bedroom and they're laughing a little bit by the time they reach her bed, where Nina lets herself drop like a dead weight.

 

"Mmh," she breathes. "Comfy. I changed the sheets this morning."

 

_I know what you're doing. And I like it._

 

"C'mere," Nina smiles. "Before I text Dani to tell her you're back in one minute."

 

At the mere mention of Daniela, Vanessa grows wary again and she walks to the bed cautiously, scared that the room itself might be booby-trapped, who knows? She sits down on the side of the bed, taking everything in again, trying to convince her stupid mind that everything is real and Nina her girlfriend _is_ in this bed. An arm around her waist from behind, all laid down prettily, Nina lifts the back of Vanessa's shirt, kissing up her back. She shivers.

 

"I'm gonna turn completely crazy and it'll all be your fault."

 

"Mmh," Nina moans, kissing some more, arm tightening, trying to pull Vanessa to her. "Sure you are."

 

Vanessa has never been good at denying herself and Nina is her girlfriend, and still next year, and she is just here and it's hours before the salon closes…

 

"I guess we should make the best of our time before your parents come home…"

 

"That's the spirit!"

 

Vanessa rolls her eyes but kicks off her sneakers before joining Nina on the bed. There is a smile on both of their faces as Nina pulls her close, arm still firm around her waist. I'll miss this, Vanessa thinks but she takes the kiss either way. A hand riding up her back under the shirt, playing with the bra and Vanessa has to break the kiss for a second.

 

"You're really not that subtle."

 

"Oh, hush," Nina says. "I'm very subtle."

 

"Are not," Vanessa replies and kisses her silent.

 

There is something slower, more deliberate in their motions today. One little bit at a time, they discover all over again, covering each part revealed with kisses.

 

"I love you," Vanessa says and it seems the words get easier with each passing time.

 

Nina is gorgeous. They've seen each other before, a hundred times, a thousand, but Vanessa has never seen _her girlfriend_ Nina before. Her shoulders, her bare arms, shirts off and the intimacy between them like nothing before. They feel perfectly attuned to each other. Vanessa is not naturally veered towards gentle touches but today she feels she might break something if she handles Nina with roughness, and Nina is generally not quite as tough but today she can't show her love enough or too intensely, as if she was afraid that Vanessa would run away if she was too soft.

 

"I want you," she adds.

 

Fingers sliding under Nina's waistband, toying with it until Nina pushes her hips against her, begging for more, and bunching up Vanessa's skirt. Daring and bold Nina, not even bothering to get her fully naked, slides two fingers under her thong and Vanessa is beyond caring that she is way too wet already. The touch is sharp, messy, nothing like Nina's careful and measured usual but she likes it that way too. There is nothing quite like this feel, knowing that there is love in every touch from Nina, unmatched ever before in her life. She's dated before, but what were their feeble affections compared to the love of Nina Rosario in every breath she takes, every kiss, and certainly  in the way she pumps her fingers in and out and Vanessa want more, all of it.

 

"Off," she begs, trying to push down her skirt herself. "All of it off."

 

Every part of her body feels more sensitive than ever, and with Nina, the awkward playful of getting any last barrier off is tender and playful.

 

"What do you want?" Nina asks.

 

There is so much passion in her eyes that once again, words completely fail Vanessa. She used to be so assertive. But Nina doesn't even need her instructions, of course, and dives right in, a hand grabbing Vanessa's, their palms and fingers hugging.  Vanessa has never felt like this, her skin fire and embers, and watches Nina settle between her legs like she's been made to be there all her life.

 

"I got you."

 

Tongue lapping at Vanessa, the whole length of her quivering flesh and she feels much too hot all of a sudden. _Is this what love does?_ Nina traps her clit between fingers, pressing down in rhythm with her tongue down below pushing inside, making Vanessa feel entirely exposed. Her fingers instinctively tighten in Nina's curls and her legs close against her shoulders. So many times they've done this, and since how many times has Vanessa felt that love tug inside her? Since when has she felt that pang that leaves her breathless when Nina smiles at her? Since when is Nina the first and last thought in her mind every day? Since when has she turned so soft and stupid that even with Nina's mouth toying her, she still thinks about Nina's hand in hers and how they kissed, every time like the first time, and suddenly she's no longer satisfied with laying there idle, taking her pleasure when Nina deserves ten orgasms before she gets the one.

 

"No, wait," she says and her voice sounds raspy even to her own ears. "Get on top of me."

 

"Sixty-nine?" Nina smirks from down there, nibbling at the flesh on Vanessa's thigh playfully. "Kinky."

 

Vanessa pulls on Nina's hand.

 

"Only for a vanilla nerd like you," she says.

 

"Well, get ready," Nina replies teasingly but she lets Vanessa pull her hips and the feel of her body on hers is exactly right. "Because this vanilla nerd is what you'll get for as long as you'll have me."

 

"I could deal with that," Vanessa replies and pulls Nina's hips to her.

 

There is in this instant nothing troubling Vanessa, nothing less than amazing. The whole moment is special, maybe even perfect, Nina's fingers and mouth certainly taking the best, most passionate care of her. She lavishes Vanessa with attention in such a raw, untamed way, what Vanessa has been craving for how long, she cannot say. Vanessa herself is more careful, though Nina is soaking wet under her tentative licks. There is only one time you can get a first time as girlfriends and Vanessa wants to give Nina the best of what she's able to give. She wants Nina to moan into her, to shiver on top of her, to shake and quiver and remember today the rest of her life, and certainly next year when she's thousands of miles away.

 

Fingers feeling around, she wants to give Nina something to look forward to before she does give it to her. The lightest touch, tracing the length from the ass down to her clit and her beautiful curls under here too that no one else in the world gets to see.

 

"Beautiful…"

 

Nina hums into what she's doing, mouth on Vanessa's clit and around, exploring. Vanessa palms her ass. She could get used to this view, this feeling. She gets a taste and, even though their last time was maybe ten days ago, she feels as thirsty as a girl lost in the desert for years. She wants her face drenched in Nina if she can, keep her wet through a dozen orgasms, though a couple has usually been where they found her comfort. Maybe it's time to raise the roof on that. Just the one is the first step.  Lips pursing around Nina's clit and suckling, and a first finger pressing in so smoothly, it's like Nina is ready to devour every ounce of pleasure Vanessa has to offer. She groans and there it is, Nina shivering in pleasure, the only reward Vanessa cares for. Another finger curling up inside and Nina grinds her hips into it.

 

"This good?" Vanessa asks and her voice comes all broken and moany with Nina not bothering to pause her ministrations when she's being addressed.

 

"You tell me," she replies quickly, not wanting to miss on any of it. She grabs onto Vanessa's thighs and her mouth takes over all the work.

 

"God…"

 

The truth is that anything at all feels good when she does it with Nina. Her body is on the edge from the start, titillated on one end and on the other getting to eat out Nina like she _deserves_ to be eaten out. She could burst at any second but Nina beats her to it, shaking legs narrowing around Vanessa's face, flesh pulsing around her mouth and fingers and everything about her orgasm is perfect, always, though the most beautiful thing may well be that through it, she keeps licking and sucking at Vanessa and the weight and feel of her body, her breasts against Vanessa's belly, all of it is so delicious Vanessa almost wishes she weren't feeling the growing need inside her. She wishes this could last forever, but Nina is full of tricks, of course, knows how to play her and soon she lets herself be submerged under it all. Nina's legs trapping her and her hands firmly grabbing onto her hips almost possessively, the scent of her and Vanessa's face is all wet from it, and then Nina' s little moans as she tries so hard to please her… Vanessa closes her eyes and lets it go.

 

They cuddle. On any day, Vanessa wouldn't have the time, middle of the afternoon, but if Daniela sent them home, Vanessa will stay exactly here, because Nina _is_ home. They hold each other just because they can, Vanessa's head across Nina's chest and fingers combing through her hair and she is exactly where she needs to be.

 

"So… next year?"

 

Nina kisses her temple and hugs her just this much tighter.

 

"Skype?" She suggests. "FaceTime, texts, Whatsapp…"

 

"I'll miss you," Vanessa mumbles into Nina's boobs.

 

"I'll miss you too," Nina replies, a single finger tracing a line all the way down Vanessa's back softly. "But we can make it work. And we will."

 

Vanessa nods lazily and dares to hope.

 

They cuddle, and they kiss, and they make love again, Nina's fingers slipping between Vanessa's legs as she holds her so very tight, and Vanessa matching her, every caress paid back in full. They cuddle until they don't really feel like two people but one single entity, until the thought of being apart stops being so terrifying because she knows they are bond to find each other again every time. They cuddle and project themselves into the dream of a life they _can_ have together. They _will_ have together.

 

It's a big long while before they even leave the bed, and even then there is longing in every glance as they put their clothes back on. And just on time, she realizes as she hears the front door clink shut and the sound of Mr and Mrs Rosario bickering. She breathes. Nina kisses her forehead, hands rubbing up and down her arms reassuringly until Vanessa nods and Nina grabs her hand on their way out. In the living room, Camila is pestering her husband about something when she notices them, and Vanessa doesn't miss the glance down at their interlocked hands.

 

"Vanessa! It'd been a while," Kevin says.

 

Nina checks in with Vanessa, who nods. They have nothing to be scared of. Not as long as they have each other.

 

"Actually," Nina starts seriously. "You'll be seeing a lot more of her. We're in love. Vanessa's my girlfriend."

 

Kevin's mouth drops open and Camila squints at them, but Vanessa finds that she doesn't care. She only has eyes for Nina and the smile she gives her. As long as she can keep that smile on Nina's face, Vanessa knows they will be completely happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a wrap! I beg of you, if this is a fic you've read but never commented on, please do it now! And let me know if you want me to write Ninessa again.


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